


Taakito

by mcschnuggles



Series: The Regression Zone [14]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, CGRE - Caregiver/Age Regressor, Caregiver!Barry, Caregiver!Lup, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Post-Episode: e067-069 Story and Song Parts 1-3, Regressing!Taako
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:33:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 27,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24399547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcschnuggles/pseuds/mcschnuggles
Summary: Taako hasn't regressed once since his time in Wonderland. So when Lup convinces him to take a tiny day, he ends up dropping younger than he ever has, and his big sister may be a little out of her depth on this one.
Relationships: Barry Bluejeans & Taako, Lup & Taako (The Adventure Zone)
Series: The Regression Zone [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1551574
Comments: 132
Kudos: 134





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been struggling with this chapter for weeks and tbh I'm still not happy with it so if you point out I WILL cry

It’s been a year and a half since Taako last regressed.

Which he knows from his twin sister not-so-kindly plowing into his bed, jumping until he woke up, and informing him as much.

Next thing he knew, Lup was pulling made-up Starblaster authority and waving a coupon in his face. “Good for one indefinite bout of tiny time when you’re feeling too insecure/scared/whatever to regress yourself.” Why he _ever_ thought writing those coupons would be a good idea, he never knew. He doesn’t even remember when he last had the ones meant for Lup, but obviously, she still had his, and she intended to use them whenever necessary.

He’s terrified, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t going to try. For Lup’s sake.

If she thinks this is going to help, there isn’t a force on earth that’s going to stop her. Honestly, he’s shocked it took her this long to get all fake-authoritative with him.

And he really is making an effort. As bossy as his sister is, he knows he still has a say, and admittedly he wants this too. He put on his favorite pajamas the night before to help put himself in the mindset, but it hasn’t really worked. It only worked to make him feel more vulnerable. Now all that’s left is to play the waiting game.

He and Lup both have a habit of waking up noon-ish, so he curls in bed and feigns sleep at eleven-thirty sharp. It would make her happier to scoop up a sleepy baby then a near-frantic adult anyhow.

He doesn’t know when, but somewhere in the midst of feigning sleep, he actually manages to drift off and is only awoken by the feeling of someone softly running their fingers through his hair.

Lup smiles down at him. “Good morning, baby brother.”

It’s been so long since he last regressed, everything feels like a distant memory, but those words bring it all rushing back. Their time on the Starblaster, and at the academy before that. She always got such a kick out of referring to him as her “baby brother.” It didn’t matter if he was in an older headspace, or if she was tiny too. Taako was her baby brother, and that was that.

“Morning,” he mutters, curling up tighter underneath the blankets. It’s a cute move he makes for her sake. That’s it. Nothing more.

She gives him a strange look, one he can’t quite decipher, but the gentle curve of her lips has to mean it’s okay.

“We’re gonna have so much fun today,” she continues. As she speaks, she gingerly peels back the comforter, exposing him to the slight chill of the open air. “Barry and I have pulled out all the stops. It’s gonna be really special.” With a grin, she snaps the elastic band on her wrist, and Taako bolts upright.

She’s going to braid his hair!

No one in the world can braid his hair quite like Lup can. She always has a way of styling his hair just right, twisting it just enough to give him pretty curls, pulling it tight enough that it’ll hold all day but loose enough that it doesn’t hurt his scalp.

“Kravitz had to go out for a mission, but he’ll be back in a few days.” Lup tells him. “He’s very excited to see his moppet again.”

Taako tries to not let the smile drop from his face. Great. Now he had people that were going to be disappointed when he didn’t regress. Because he could fake all he wanted, but it was only a matter of time before Lup saw right through him.

Her fingers snag in his hair, pulling to a gradual stop in his tangles. “Hey.” Her voice is quiet, barely above a whisper. This is her quiet-time voice, her secret-sharing voice. That’s how he knows he has to listen. “It’ll be okay,” she promises.

The words hang in the air, rife with unspoken promises. What she and Barry would do to keep him safe, whoever they’d have to hurt was inconsequential. His brain flashes back to Edward, his spectral form reduced to ash and spat out of the Umbra Staff. Stuff like that was easy street. But who was going to protect him from his own stupid brain?

“I know. Just leave everything to me, okay?” He feels a little tug on the back of his head. “There we go!” Her voice pitches back up to baby-talk tone. “All done!”

Taako manages a smile as he pulls the braid over one shoulder. Just as suspected, the end is secured with a butterfly clip. Not that Lup would ever give him any other clip, but he still has to make sure, just in case.

He runs his finger over the plastic pattern. The extra paint and glitter wore off decades ago, and all that remains is the blue plastic mold and the world’s most resilient rhinestone. When he first got his memory back, he was worried it was lost forever. After all, it was one of those things forever in Lup’s possession. It takes some of the weight off his chest just to have it here.

“Alright, you have all day to gawk at your accessories.” Lup jokes. He lets out a squeak of surprise as she sweeps him up onto her hip. “It’s time for breakfast!”

“I can walk, you know.” Taako pouts. Not that he wants to, but he doesn’t particularly appreciate being manhandled either, thank you very much.

“Oh, hush. You know you love it.” Lup teases.

“There he is.” Barry beams at them when they enter. He’s got a mug of coffee in one hand, so the entire kitchen smells of it. “You better be ready for the best damn pancakes you’ve ever had!”

Lup is quick to add when Barry turns his back, “Please give him this. He tried his best,” before depositing him in the nearest chair.

Barry made pancakes just for him? Taako can’t help getting a little excited. Barry _never_ cooks, worming his way out of it by puffing up Lup and Taako’s egos, saying how they’re so much better anyway. It really has to mean something if he made breakfast by himself.

As Lup and Barry shuffle around plates and glasses, a raven swoops in and settles on the open window, watching him curiously.

Taako casts a cautious glance at his sister. She’s distracted for the time being, so it wouldn’t hurt if he went over just to check it out, right?

He plods over to the window, but surprisingly the raven stands its ground. If anything, it looks rather curious. It tilts its head at him, so he tilts his head back. The raven blinks, then turns its head the other way. With a grin on his face, Taako does the same.

“You like the birdies, Koko?”

Taako’s face burns as he notices Lup eyeing him strangely. “Just remind me of Krav, is all,” he mumbles.

Lup coos, playfully pinching his cheek. She doesn’t even blink when he scowls and pulls away. “Special gift from the Raven Queen herself. When I told her Barry and me were taking the day off for you, she wanted to know if there was any way she could help. I had no idea she liked you so much.”

“She used to watch Krav and me when we regressed together,” Taako admits. It’s so weird to put his regression in the past tense, but that’s the only way he can describe it now that it’s been so long. She probably doesn’t even remember how Taako liked to rest his cheek against her knee while she sang to him.

Lup coos again. “Precious!”

Barry grins. “These birds are playing watchdog for the day. If anything that isn’t supposed to be here takes one step over the fence, we’ll hear about it.”

Lup wiggles her fingers ominously. “Maybe if we’re fast enough we’ll get to see the ravens pecking out their eyes.”

Taako giggles, because there’s no way the Raven Queen would let her ravens be that mean. She’s actually really nice, even if no one believes him when he says as much. When he and Krav used to crash at her place, she’d always send them off with a few extra treats and trinkets.

It’s only now that he’s realizing just how much he misses her.

“Hey, now, no sad faces at the breakfast table.” Barry chides as he sets the table.

Taako instinctively straightens his spine. “Uh, sorry.”

There’s a second where neither of them answer, where they look too stunned to offer a response. Taako realizes he messed up a second to early, because when does _Taako_ of all people apologize? He shuffles back to his spot at the table, head down, and prays neither of them bring it up.

Lup recovers first. “No worries, baby brother. We take this as a challenge.” She gestures to the plate in front of him. “Now eat. We don’t got all day, munchkin.”

His pancakes are cut into cartoon characters he doesn’t recognize. They look cute and all, but does Barry not know that you can skip the extra work and just make patterns in the batter itself? He glances over at Barry’s plate to see it’s full of pancake scraps and realizes, of course he didn’t.

Taako tilts his fork appreciatively in Barry’s direction. “Choice, my man.”

Barry turns a delighted shade of pink and averts his eyes. “You really think so? I know I’m kinda outclassed when it comes to cooking in this house, but today was special and I knew I had to do something. Can’t let Lup show me up, you know?”

Taako snickers behind his fork. “Wow, Lup, already letting him show you up? How are you going to recover?”

Lup fondly rolls her eyes. “Oh, just shut up and eat your pancakes.”

Regressed or not, maybe today won’t be so bad.


	2. Chapter 2

Breakfast continues without a hitch.

Taako asks for seconds (and thirds, even when he’s not hungry anymore), mainly for Barry’s sake. The dude just looks so proud of himself for a job well done.

Overall, five stars, though he could do without his sister grabbing his chin and telling him to “Hold still, you’ve got crumblies all over your face.” Has she noticed he hasn’t regressed yet?

She’s treating him like he is, but that’s always been her go-to tactic for helping him regress. Come to think of it, Barry’s been doing the same thing. He must be following her lead. But really, how long until they get tired of trying? It’s probably only a matter of time.

“So next on the docket,” Lup tells him as she and Barry finish up the dishes, “we’re gonna show you the rest of our safety measures.”

“There’s more?” That’s as comforting as it is concerning. Yeah, the ravens were nice, but they seemed like minimal security. What are they so scared is going to happen today?

“Of course there’s more!” Lup scoffs. “Do I look like I half-ass anything?” She hefts Taako back onto her hip with a mix of indignance and pride. “You won’t be- _lieve_ all the stuff we have set up. Would I deign to call it a magical marvel? Maybe, if I were trying to undersell it.”

Taako rolls his eyes. “Last time you said that, you burnt down half a forest.”

“Which was, in itself, a magical marvel.”

She heads for the front door, Barry trailing not far behind. The raven on the windowsill takes off, joining its friends lined along the fence that lines the perimeter of the cottage. They tilt their heads curiously at Taako as Lup brings him closer, but what really catches his eye is the writing that marks every inch of the fences. It’s done in chalk, the writing so small he can’t identify the language, let alone the words.

“What are these?”

“Wards.” Lup answers. “Specifically for liches.”

“But you guys are liches.” Taako points out. He’s already got a bad feeling about this.

“Exactly!” Lup chirps. Next thing Taako knows, he’s being transferred from Lup to Barry. “That way you can see it in action.”

“Wait.” Taako reaches out for her, but she’s already disappearing down the hill. His fingers tighten around Barry’s shirt, if only to stop the shaking in his hands.

Barry pats his back. “It’s okay, kiddo. She knows what she’s doing.”

_That’s the problem_ , Taako thinks, but he knows Barry is just about as stubborn as Lup is sometimes. There’s no getting through to either of them, especially when they have an idea stuck in their heads. Not that Taako is any different, but that doesn’t mean he likes being on the other side of the family stubbornness.

Nothing scares him more than when Lup goes into her lich form. It used to be because he was scared of losing her, that she’d do something she wouldn’t be able to undo and he’d be alone. Then exactly that happened, and he didn’t even realize something was wrong for years. One of these days, the very same thing could happen all over again, and no matter how strong he gets, he’ll be just as powerless to stop it.

“We weren’t able to go any farther than the property line.” Barry explains. “City ordinances and all that.”

The property line has also been outlined in chalk, creating a clear white line in the grass. Taako’s throat goes tight as Lup steps outside of it.

Lup’s lich form springs out of her body, emerging with a flare of heat. Meanwhile, her living body crumples to the ground, helpless, defenseless, outside the barrier.

Taako can’t breathe. He tries to pull in a breath, but it won’t come, and the harder he fights for it, the more impossible it is to hold onto.

Lup stretches out her hands, flattening her palms against the barrier. It becomes visible under her touch, illuminating the empty air with solid, impenetrable magic.

With a smirk, she lifts her head and makes eye contact with Taako. Can she see how terrified he looks from here?

She rears back, and with a ghostly scream, throws herself against the barrier. Taako can’t help flinching back. It doesn’t even sound like Lup anymore. Barry gives Taako a comforting pat on the back, but his body’s becoming too numb for him to notice.

However, the barrier holds strong, no matter how Lup thrashes against it. And, oh, does she thrash.

She flattens against it, like it’s a window holding her back, and for good measure, beats it with her fists. She scratches, kicks, and even throws a fireball or two, and the barrier still holds strong.

Barry offers a congratulatory thumbs up, but it’s so easy for the Lup features to fade and get replaced by Lydia’s. He only ever saw her lich form once, right before she died, and now he can’t ignore the similarities between her and Lup. Is it prejudiced to say all liches kind of look the same?

The lich jumps back into her body. It’s Lup, he knows, but is it really? It could be just like when they possessed Maggie and tried to make Taako believe they hadn’t just sent away his best friend. What if they’re trying to do the same thing now? He squirms against Barry’s hold, but it only makes Barry hold him a little tighter. What if he’s in on it too? Worse, what if he doesn’t know?

Lup runs back through, and while the magical barrier shimmers at the disruption, it doesn’t stop her this time. “See? We’re completely lich-proof!”

His vision swims, he can feel himself being moved, and at that he screams. Where’s he going? Everything’s moving so fast, it’s just like how Lydia and Edward used to teleport him everywhere. Is he being whooshed away again? He doesn’t want to go!

The sound of pounding footsteps rapidly approaches. “Koko?” There’s a note of panic in her voice, one he’s heard before. His shoulders and ribs are flooded with phantom pains.

“TK?” a second voice asks, a second lich.

Taako thrashes against whatever’s holding him, uncaring of how badly he’s hurt. He needs to be free _now_. When it releases him, he crashes painfully to the ground, but it’s okay because he’s free, right?

He stares down at the grass beneath his hands, his breath becoming quicker and quicker. How much of this is even real? Is he outside of Wonderland or is this just their idea of a reward?

Where’s Maggie? Emmy? He can’t handle being alone anymore! He looks desperately past the liches, who are frozen in place, but there’s no sign of a single other person in this entire area.

He has to run. What good would it do? He still has to run.

But as he tries to stand, something strikes him from behind, and everything goes black.

* * *

Taako can’t afford to be asleep much longer.

If he does, he’ll wake up with Lydia and Edward hanging over him, smiling those awful smiles, anticipating the next part of their plan to make him just like Keats.

Someone’s hanging over him, speaking in gentle, low tones. Two someones, in fact. It’s a lifeline dangling in front of him, so he tentatively grips it and allows himself to be hoisted from the murky waters.

Little by little, his senses return to him, and he carefully takes stock of every little sensation. He feels the grass pressing against his back, a summer breeze pushing softly at his hair.

The afternoon sun is strong, blazing even behind his eyelids. He has to squint when he opens his eyes.

Sissy and Blue are hanging over him, looking equal parts terrified. The rest of the puzzle comes together. The hands on his wrists, the fingers running through his hair.

“Gave us a scare there, kiddo.” Blue jokes, but he looks so scared.

“What happened?” Sissy asks.

He’s not with Lydia and Edward. At least, he’s not in Wonderland. His hand shakes as he lifts it, cupping his palm around Lup’s cheek.

“’s real?”

It takes Lup a few seconds to suss out the meaning of that, but when she does, she nods solemnly. Her eyes are oddly shiny. “Do you remember where you are?”

“Cottage.”

“That’s right.” Barry pipes up. “It’s safe here, lil guy.”

Taako nods along to that, because it sounds right. He must’ve hit his head at some point, though, because everything’s gone fuzzy and soft around the edges. He rubs his thumb over Lup’s cheek, forcing himself to remember it’s real, that she’s real.

“I know.” Lup croons. She has that look again, like she knows something he doesn’t. “It’s okay. You’re safe.”

As she puts her hand over his, it finally clicks.

Somewhere along the way, he regressed.

He knew he was fighting a losing battle from the moment he woke up, but he was hoping to hold out at least a little longer. Nothing like a helping of good, old-fashioned trauma to move things along.

His lower lip wobbles, and he lets out a helpless keening cry.

He’s immediately scooped into a hug, the kind that’s tight and sweet and makes him feel safe on all sides. “Shh, shh. It’s okay, Koko, I know. I shouldn’t have gone out that far, huh?”

He takes a fistful of her hair, just as reassurance that she can’t slip away and get stabbed or possessed or whatever silly plan she has this time around.

“I know.” Lup grunts as she hefts Taako back onto her hip, which has added difficulty when someone is threatening to pull your hair out, and he clings to her like an octopus. “I know. We aren’t going anywhere, see?”

As if on cue, Barry falls into step beside her and puts his arm around her, so his hand is lain gently over Taako’s.

“How about we go inside where it’s safe and watch a movie, okay?” Barry suggests.

A movie sounds good. Lydia and Edward didn’t have movies, so at least the lines can’t get blurry there.

Taako buries his face in Lup’s shoulder, sobbing too hard to speak, and gives a tiny nod.

They take him back inside, neither of them speaking. Taako can’t blame them. He can’t remember the last time he cried—like, really cried. Fake crying is a tried and true tactic of getting your way, after all. It was…well, it had to have been before Wonderland.

Sitting down brings a whole new wave of panic. Taako holds tight to her shoulders, just to make sure she can’t slip away. Somewhere in his adult brain, he’s aware that she’s setting him down at an angle so he can be between her and Barry, but his adult brain is nowhere near the driver’s seat at the moment. He just needs everything to be safe and quiet and for his brain to _stop_. Is that too much to ask?

“Oh, baby brother,” Lup croons. She pulls in an audible breath, but it seems even she doesn’t have the right words at this moment. In the end, she just holds him close.

“I’m so sorry, TK.” Barry whispers. He wraps his arms around the twins, holding them as tightly as he dares.

Taako isn’t sure how long they sit there, how long he cries, or how long it takes him to finally stop crying. All he knows is that once his sobs have dissolved into sniffles and hiccups, Lup and Barry are still right beside him, gently rocking him until everything feels like it could be okay again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, have some bby Taako

Lup, with no exaggeration, has never been more worried in her life.

Spending upwards of a decade in a fucking umbrella couldn’t compare to having to cast Sleep on her own brother to keep him from hurting himself.

She hadn’t even realized something was wrong until Taako started hyperventilating, and then her brain went into overdrive.

It was one of the worst moments of her life, purely because _she had no idea what to do_.

Like yeah, she and Taako had both gone through some pretty heavy stuff, but she’d never seen him this afraid. Gods help her, she’d make sure he never felt that scared again, even if she had to personally tear down the Felicity Wilds with her own bare hands.

But that was for a different time, when Taako didn’t need her so badly. For now, their big mission was to watch a nice movie and relax.

The next part of the surprise wasn’t introduced with much fanfare, because how do you even pretend things are okay after something like _that?_ Still, she’s proud of her detective work, and maybe she broke the bank for the next year or so, but that’s what family’s for!

The coffee table is piled high with DVD cases. Every godforsaken Barbie movie she and Barry could get their hands on, including the now discontinued DVD release of “Barbie and the Star of the Occult,” which even while crying his eyes out, Taako still insists they watch. Glad to know his love for Necromancer Barbie hasn’t faded with time.

The necromancer representation is fine enough, but she’ll never understand why all the necromancer stuff got pulled. After all, no one’s banning “Barbie and the False Prophet,” where Barbie almost gets sacrificed to a wraith posing as a minor deity.

Whatever. She’s never pretended to understand Fantasy Standards & Practices anyway. And Taako seems to be enjoying it, at least.

Taako is sandwiched between her and Barry, one hand still knotted in Lup’s hair, but Lup doesn’t mind the hostage situation all that much. Admittedly, Barry’s been watching her more than he’s been watching the movie, but can you blame him? With Taako curled up against her shoulder, thumb in his mouth, she finally feels at peace, after worrying for weeks.

Someone on screen says a joke that makes both the twins crack a smirk, and Lup takes the chance to lean in a little closer. Maybe it’s a little stupid, but she feels better with a hand wound in his hair as well. If anything, it’s mutually assured destruction.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but he’s usually a lot more rambunctious, isn’t he?” Barry asks, his voice barely above a whisper. Lup doesn’t know why he bothers. Taako probably wouldn’t hear him even if he shouted.

“Usually.” Lup answers. She runs her fingers through his hair, causing him to snuggle in a little closer. “Can’t say I’m not a little worried, but I’ve dealt with teeny rugrats before. I think that was just a lot of big emotions at once and it wore him out.”

“If you say so.” Barry cracks a smile and thumbs at a lingering grass stain on Taako’s cheek. “Won’t hear any complaints from me if he’s not burning the house down.”

Lup gives both her boys kisses before returning her attention to the movie. Barbie is finally on her journey to strengthen her connection with the old gods, complete with a younger sister figure and lovable animal sidekick. They’re about to start singing, when Lup’s Stone of Farspeech roars to life.

Taako whines in protest but doesn’t take his eyes off the screen.

As she answers, Lup turns away as much as Taako will allow her to try and muffle the sound of her voice. “Why, hello, Magnus. To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“Oh, I just wanted to check in and see how everyone’s doing.” Magnus says, but he never was that great of a liar. At least, not enough to fool her or Taako. His dogs bark excitedly in the background.

“Everyone or Taako?” Lup teases.

He doesn’t even bother trying to defend himself. “Okay, you got me. How’s Taako?”

She glances over at Taako, who looks perfectly content curled up between her and Barry, smiling at a kid’s movie like he doesn’t have a care in the world. If she hadn’t seen it, hadn’t _been there_ when it happened, she would think he’s the same kid she left behind over a decade ago. “It’s been a rocky start.”

“Has he been thinking about…you-know-where?”

“Yeah.” Lup’s voice sounds rough, even to her own ears, which is only confirmed when Barry reaches over and puts a comforting hand on her knee. “He’s…better now. A little quieter than usual. Pretty teeny by his standards.”

“Oh! There should be a pacifier in his bag. Probably under the sippy cups.”

Lup furrows her brow. “Magnus, what are you talking about?”

Magnus pauses a second. “Well, he’s super little, isn’t he?”

“Yeah. _By his standards_. Which is, like, not pacifier territory at all.” He doesn’t even own a pacifier—at least, she didn’t think he did.

Now Magnus really goes quiet. She’d think their connection had fizzled out if it weren’t for the dogs, but even they seem a little quieter. “Has he not…? I thought…” Magnus trails off.

The realization hits her like a truck. “He’s been like this before?”

“Only a couple times. Last time I saw him like this, he was really sick.” There’s a heavy pause, and when Magnus speaks again, his voice sounds startlingly unsure. “Has he not been this small around you before?”

She wracks her brain, drudging up the worst memories she can. Their first nights on the road. Almost getting kicked out of the academy. The first cycle someone died, when they didn’t know if that person would come back or not. How old was he then? Not this tiny. Not _pacifier_ tiny.

“I can give you some tips if you need.” Magnus offers. “He really likes to fidget so you might wanna find some new toys.”

The words wash over her, her brain still stuttering at the idea of Taako being little enough for a pacifier. Taako, who prizes his independence, who doesn’t like being fussed over too much and usually has to be cajoled into regressing, who _at his smallest_ can tolerate being called cute and nothing else. _That_ Taako?

“Uhh, Magnus, can we put this line of conversation on hold for .5?” She looks desperately over Taako’s head at Barry. “Barry, can I talk to you real quick?”

“Uhh…” Barry’s eyes stray tellingly to Taako, who still has her hair in a vice grip. Even worse, his attention has finally strayed from the movie to her. All the excitement must have worried him, because he looks visibly anxious.

Crap, they’re not going anywhere, but that doesn’t mean they can’t provide an ample distraction.

“Here, Koko.” She holds the Stone of Farspeech out to Taako, who stares at it curiously. “Say hi!”

Magnus gasps. “Is that Taako?”

“Maggie!” Taako all but snatches the Stone from her hands.

“Hey, Koko!” Magnus says. “Are you having fun with Sissy?”

Taako nods.

“He can’t see you, bug.” Lup tells him. “You have to talk.”

Taako noticeably pouts at that, and while it takes everything in Lup not to burst out laughing, Magnus swoops in to his aid.

“Words are a little hard today, huh, bud?” Magnus asks. He gets another nod in response, and he must know that. “Hey, no worries! How about I just tell you what I’ve been up to? Would you like that?” Magnus then launches into a long and detailed account of the chair he’s currently making.

Lup tamps down an irrational spark of jealousy. Magnus obviously has more experience with tiny Taako. It makes sense that he’d be better at this right off the bat. Being jealous won’t fix anything, and it certainly won’t help anything right now.

“Okay, so…” Lup leans over Taako’s head, encouraging Barry to do the same. “Turns out he’s in toddlerspace.”

Barry furrows his brow. “And that means…?”

“Itty-bitty. Teeny tiny Taako. A taquito, if you will.” She takes the time to laugh at her own joke before carefully unwinding Taako’s fingers from her hair. “We just have to roll with the punches, don’t we, baby brother?”

It’s a testament to how little he is that he only nods.

She stands, carefully nudging him in Barry’s direction before heading for his bedroom. Taako easily angles his body into Barry’s instead, and Barry is more than happy to put an arm around his shoulders. He may not have hair like Lup to hold onto, but Taako finds gripping onto the hem of his shirt works just as well.

Lup pauses the movie on her way out, even if she knows it won’t get anything done. If Taako is anything like he used to be, he’ll watch it over and over and over until the very sight of the DVD case will be enough to induce vomiting.

Taako’s room is littered with junk, including a Raging Flaming Poisoning Sword of Doom he hangs on the wall just for aesthetic purposes, but she knows where to find his little gear right away.

Even after all these years, he still has the same hiding place—under the bed. Sure, there’s a lot of other junk in front of it, but she recognizes the worn leather satchel wedged between the nightstand and a half-open suitcase.

It’s just how she remembers it, if a little more meticulously decorated. The duck charm pinned to the strap is new, as is the wooden bracelet embedded with Pan’s symbol. It doesn’t take a detective to figure out where these came from. The others, particularly the music box in the front pouch, wrapped delicately in an embroidered handkerchief, are a little harder to figure out.

She’ll ask later. When the time is right. For now, she goes digging.

Part of her doesn’t expect to actually find a pacifier. Part of her thinks Magnus has to be messing with her, that yeah, Koko drops littler sometimes but never _that_ little.

She’s still holding out hope that she’s the defining authority on her brother, but sure enough, there it is. Underneath the Barbies, underneath the sippy cups, underneath the worn baby blanket he never uses, is a single pacifier.

It’s new. It has to be new, right? It’s not like he’d have something like this and never tell her. That just wasn’t how they operated.

She grabs the pacifier and the sippy, knowing if he needs one, he’ll surely need the other. After that, she grabs a bugbear plushie, which she guesses is the infamous Chester she’d always hear mentioned from inside the Umbra Staff. Everything else she’ll bring out as needed.

She returns to the sounds of Magnus talking. He’s moved on from detailing the specifics of the chair he’s making to talking about what he and Taako can do next time he visits. Barry’s holding the Stone now, Taako curled up against him and listening contentedly.

Lup lifts her hands, showing off the items she brought in, and Barry moves to finish up the call.

“Thanks for the save, Magnus.” Barry says. “I think we can take it from here. Thanks for taking time out of your day for this.”

“Hey, no problem! Bye, Taako! See you soon, okay, buddy?”

Taako takes his thumb out of his mouth, but only for a moment. “Buh-bye, Maggie.”

“And don’t feel bad if you need to call again.” Magnus continues. “I know it’s a new thing for him to be this little.”

_Tell me about it,_ Lup thinks, but further self-deprecation is cut off by an insistent little hand tugging at the hem of her shirt.

Taako blinks up at her, obviously aware of how cute he’s being, and eagerly reaches out his free hand. After a moment with no response, he tries a simple yet effective, “P’ease?”

“Oh my gods, you’re so cute I can’t take it!” Lup coos. She hopes that she doesn’t sound as stunned as she feels. She would’ve expected something like a paci to be much more of a fight, but he happily takes it and pops it in his mouth.

Very satisfied with the compliment, Taako points to the TV.

Right. The movie. Now that his distraction is gone… “From the beginning?” she asks, already dreading the answer.

Taako nods, effectively taking five years off her life.

“You heard the man.” Lup says, grabbing the remote from the coffee table. “From the top.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one goes out to my girl Tilly, who listened to me metaphorically beat my head against the wall trying to figure out what the fuck I wanted to do with this chapter. Hope you like it because I'm tired of looking at it

Taako wakes up feeling like absolute shit.

Every limb aches, and he can taste blood in the corner of his mouth. Why does his head hurt so much?

He takes stock of his body. His face feels intact, and while he feels sore all over, nothing hurts too badly. What happened? The last thing he remembers is falling asleep with Sissy and Blue on either side. Blue even read him a bedtime story, a recounting of one of their recent reaper missions. Taako had had a feeling it was a little exaggerated, but he listened contentedly nonetheless, Chester in his arms and paci in his mouth. Things had been so good. What happened?

And where is he? He peers through the darkness, and the shapes of his surroundings finally come into focus. Chester lay beside him, flat on his back, like someone had pushed him into place. He grabs Chester, pulling him close to his chest, and the familiar scent of sandalwood fills his nose. That helps calm him down a little.

Okay, so he’s on the floor, that much is clear, but why? Did he fall out of bed? He lifts a hand, finding the wooden bedframe pressing against his palm. Did he fall _under_ the bed? No, that didn’t make any sense.

Taako squeezes his eyes shut, trying to draw up some memory of the time he’s lost, but it’s no use. His brain is a fuzzy mess, and the pounding in his head isn’t helping matters.

He rolls over to find Lup curled up on the floor. Her back is to him, and her shoulders move steadily. She’s almost snoring, her breathing slow and deep. Why is she on the floor too? And why is she sleeping?

A snippet of the previous night comes back to him. Winding a strand of Lup’s hair around his finger, feeling so safe in that moment. Barry snoring on his other side as sleep pulls him back under.

Everything had been so perfect. He peels one hand away from Chester, hoping to recreate that moment, but his body is ahead of his brain. As he gets closer to the edge, right as he’s about to reach out from under the bed, he’s struck with a wave of fear so strong it leaves him paralyzed.

That’s when everything comes rushing back.

He remembers jolting awake, trapped between awful dreams and horrible reality. In the dark, half-awake, it was so easy to blur the lines, to think the two people on either side of him were Lydia and Edward. Them and their creepy body-manifesting shit. It was always the thing he hated most about them.

It all falls into place from there. How he thrashed, clawing and biting at anyone who dared come too close. The roar of voices— _Taako, it’s okay. It’s Sissy. Do you know where you are?—_ along with a series of soothing touches that at the time had been anything but.

Then, once he’d done enough damage, how they’d backed up, giving him the chance to run and hide under the bed. From there it’s a blur of crying and hyperventilating until he either passed out or fell back asleep.

That’s really what he made of their first night together, huh? Stellar job at keeping up the good kid act, Taako. Real great job.

Suddenly he’s aware of how alone he is, how cold it is to hide under a bed without a blankie. Is it selfish to want a hug?

“Sissy,” he tries, to no avail. Tentatively, he reaches out. Part of him is paralyzed with fear that so much as poking his hand out will let them find him, but he has to confirm that she’s here, that she’s real and not some illusion cobbled together from his memories.

His fingers snag in her tangles of blonde hair, fanned out in his direction. He makes sure to be extra gentle when he pulls.

“Sissy?”

Lup stirs, finally coming to after a couple more well-timed tugs. She rolls over to face him, revealing her red-rimmed eyes and weak smile. “Hi, baby brother.” Her voice comes out as little more than a croak.

He shrinks back a little. She looks so sad. Part of him wants her to just go back to sleep, even if it is a little uncomfortable to sleep on the floor, but she’s too awake for that to happen.

Lup turns on her side, resting her head against the carpet. The remnants of frost, which reddens and irritates her skin, sit untouched on her other cheek.

The memory flashes through his mind, the primal fear of someone last night grabbing his arm. Lydia? Lup? Who could say in that moment? But he remembers with striking clarity how he’d lashed out, casting Ray of Frost on the first thing that moved. As it turns out, that just so happened to be Lup.

“Barry’s in the guest room. His back wouldn’t let him sleep on the floor.” Lup cracks half a smile at that. “Can I come in?”

Taako nods, scooting back to make ample room for her under the bed.

Lup scoots in, making sure there’s still some space between them before settling in. She tucks one arm under her head, a movement that only seems to accentuate the tiredness in her eyes.

“You have nightmares like that often?”

Taako shrugs. Why isn’t she mad that he hurt her? He’d been so _good_ earlier. Even Lup couldn’t resist calling him an angel almost constantly, how relieved she was that regressed Taako and silence for once weren’t a recipe for disaster. Didn’t she want the good kid back? He certainly did.

“That’s a yes,” Lup murmurs. She ghosts her fingers over the back of Taako’s hand, like he’s made a porcelain. Maybe he is. He’s starting to feel the cracks if that’s the case.

The nightmares were easier when he was big, but they weren’t completely manageable. More often than not he’ll wake up clinging to Kravitz like he’s Taako’s last lifeline. Other times he’ll wake up hypersensitive to the smallest touch, where he has no way to cope but to sit in the shower, overhead lights off, and let the water rush over him until he can no longer feel it beating on his back. In the back of his mind, he wishes it could’ve been a clingy night tonight. It would’ve made everything a lot easier.

Lup mistakes the tears welling in his eyes as being directed at her. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s obvious Barry and I weren’t the best fit for this mission. You don’t have to be small anymore if you don’t want to. Barry and I can have all this stuff packed up by morning. We can just…pretend like it never happened.”

Those words are the last push he needs to make his tears spill over. How can she see Taako at his worst, his _neediest_ , and still think it’s _her fault?_

It’s a fight to get the words out of his throat. Every instinct in his mind is telling him to stay silent, that anything he says can and will be used against him in a kangaroo court of gaudy liches. “Don’t wanna.”

Lup blinks. Out of all the possible responses, she clearly hadn’t been expecting that. “You don’t want to?”

“Won’t come out till I feel okay again.”

Lup cocks an eyebrow. “Can’t or won’t?”

Taako curls in on himself a little tighter, his cheeks burning red. “Both.”

Her face softens at that. “Hey, that’s okay. Barry and I will be right here for as long as you need.” She slowly reaches out, making sure there are no sudden moves before thumbing the tears away from his cheeks. “Taako, I’m sorry.”

“For what?” he shrinks back, very much not liking this line of conversation. He and Lup are very much anti-apology as a rule. If she’s apologizing, it has to be bad. And if either of them are apologizing, shouldn’t it be him?

“I thought this was going to be fun and easy and I just…I knew something was up with you and Wonderland still, but I didn’t realize how long it’d been bothering you. I just feel like I’ve hurt you way more than I’ve helped you. And I wanna do better, I really, really do, but I don’t know if I can.”

Is he really that much work? He knows he’s a lot, but he didn’t think he was _that_ bad. He makes a silent vow to do better, to be better, to be so cute that Sissy will stop making that awful sad face.

“It’s just…it’s times like these where I realize how long I’ve been gone.” Lup continues. “Like, there’s this distance between us. We don’t work as smoothly as we used to. You feel that too, right?”

He did but he’d rather sew his mouth shut than admit it. He would’ve never been able to get away with hiding his feelings for as long as he did if they were still that close. But it didn’t do anything to dwell on it. That was time they could never get back. They just had to move forward, even if it hurt.

Lup hums in agreement. Apparently his silence was answer enough. “You deserve someone who knows you better right now.”

When she reaches out, her hand brushing his tearstained cheek once more, he feels a surge of overwhelming emotions. A thousand memories come crashing back to him at once. Guilt for things he didn’t even realize he’s been feeling guilty for. After all, it’s his fault Sissy doesn’t feel like she’s good enough.

“’m sorry for calling her Lulu,” he whimpers. “Didn’t know, didn’t remember.”

Lup shushes him. Even she can’t hide the confusion written all over her face. “Hey, chill. I’m not even salty about it?”

“Buh—buh—”

She shushes him again, pressing her thumb against his top lip. “Sissy is a much better nickname anyway.”

Well that’s just an excuse to change gears. “’m sorry I used magic on you. You’re cooler than Lydia. Even if you’re both liches, you’re more fun and way prettier and her shoes were really ugly but yours aren’t.”

Lup chuckles. “Dude, what are you talking about?”

“I don’t know why you’re sad and I’m trying to cover all my bases, okay?”

Finally, a genuine smile. Lup grins and fondly shakes her head. “I can’t believe you’re the one comforting me right now.”

“You’re sad.” Taako says, like that explains everything. And to him, it does. It doesn’t matter who’s tiny, twins look out for each other.

“Why don’t we have a late-night snack?” Lup suggests. “I think we could both use a cookie or two. Do you feel brave enough to come to the kitchen with me?”

After a moment of thought, Taako nods. He’s not completely present, nor is he entirely back in Wonderland. He’s somewhere in between, wobbling between past and present. It’s scary, but he’d rather be with Lup than all alone.

Lup relaxes a little with that answer. She probably needs some reassurance too. “Come on, then.”

She offers him her hand, which he gladly takes. He doesn’t let go until the bedroom door is closed tight behind him, until there’s concrete affirmation that the worst part of regressing is behind them—for now, at least.

Lup makes a beeline for the kitchen window. The air outside is still cool from the waning night, and a gentle breeze rolls through the kitchen. Immediately three ravens swoop to rest on the sill. They all watch Taako curiously, so he waves. Had they heard his fit last night? Or did they even care, so long as there were no intruders? He’d have to ask Mama Raven sometime.

The sun isn’t visible on the horizon yet, but the sky is painted in oranges and scarlets, which only makes him feel all the more tired. How long did Barry and Lup even get before he’d started up? An hour, maybe two?

“We won’t tell Barry we dipped into his stash,” Lup says with a wink, sliding a plate of Intergalactic Girl Scout cookies between them. She takes one first, just to prove it’s okay, before inviting Taako to do the same.

Taako nibbles on the cookie, not feeling all that hungry but knowing he should eat. He’d had a large dinner and, since Barry and Lup were taking turns spoiling him, a few cookies he had to promise to keep quiet about. Still, he felt nauseous, and Lup would probably be _more_ worried if he passed up on a chance for sweets. And gods was he sick of worrying her.

They eat in silence until one of the ravens feels brave enough to join them at the table. The others caw in protest, as if chastising it, but it doesn’t listen. Instead, it watches Taako curiously, and with a flutter of its wings, tilts its head at Taako.

Taako can’t help giggling as he does the same. His first thought is that it’s the same raven, but maybe also he’s confusing ravens with crows. Are ravens super smart too, or is it just that Mama Raven’s birdies are super smart?

“Tell Mama I said hi?” Taako asks. He breaks off a piece of his cookie to present as an offering, which the raven gladly accepts.

The raven caws in affirmation before taking off, soaring out the window and into the horizon. The remaining two ruffle their feathers and spread out, carving out their own space in the windowsill. They watch Taako with heightened interest now that they know he’s willing to share.

“The birdies really do like you, huh?” Lup says. She climbs over the table, sitting on the edge, and pulls Taako into her chest.

He nuzzles in a little closer, tuning in to the soothing sound of her heartbeat. The sun has finally poked up behind the tree line, marking the unmistakable beginning of the new day.

Day 2 being little. Day 2 working out trauma he’d compartmentalized so thoroughly he hadn’t even realized things were problems. He’s scared about going back to sleep more than anything, so it’s a real shame he likes to sleep so much. There’s just something so fundamentally comforting about feeling secure enough to sleep, about trusting the other person to keep you safe. Besides, he didn’t think he’d be able to live if he had to go the rest of his life without sleeping.

“Tomorrow will be a better day.” Lup promises. “No matter what I have to do to make it that way.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been so dissatisfied with these newest chapters but hey a girl's gotta post, yknow?

When Barry wakes up, he heads straight for the master bedroom, scared of what he’ll find.

Part of him wants to believe Lup was able to work her twin magic, and that she and Taako were peacefully catching up on lost sleep. However, he knows it’s just as likely that he’d find them in the same positions he’d left them in.

Gods, Wonderland had really done a number on Taako. Barry could only imagine how much worse it was for Lup, who’d been able to hear everything and not do a thing about it, a fate Barry had been spared. He’d lost sight of Taako the second Edward and Lydia snapped him away.

When he enters the master bedroom, it’s empty. The sheets are still dissheveled, but it looks like there was at least some attempt to tidy things up. However, no Taako or Lup. It’s murder on his knees to do so, but he crouches to check under the bed to find that just as empty.

That’s when he notices the note on the nightstand.

_In the living room. I made the call._

Barry breathes a tiny sigh of relief, stashing the note in his back pocket. He didn’t want to have that talk again, especially knowing that it would only make Lup even more stubborn, but he can only imagine what finally got Lup to change her mind. Taako must not be doing so hot.

As per the note, Barry finds them both in the living room. Lup is passed out on the couch, a Barbie movie playing quietly on the television. From the way the blankets are tangled around her, it looks like Taako had dozed off with her, leaving a notable gap when he wriggled free.

It’s a testament to how small he’s feeling that he instead curled up in the recliner right beside her.

Poor kid. He may be watching the movie, but it’s clear his mind is somewhere else. He has Necromancer Barbie in his hands, and he’s carefully rubbing at the top of her hair with his thumb. Chester sits up against his chest.

Barry approaches carefully, no sudden moves, but Taako still jumps when he touches a hand to Taako’s shoulder. “Hey, TK,” he says. “Have breakfast yet?”

“Had cookies,” he mumbles from behind his pacifier. He’s not looking at the TV, but he’s not looking at Barry either. For whatever reason, he keeps his eyes downcast, even with his head turned in Barry’s direction.

“Were you supposed to tell me that?”

Taako shakes his head.

Barry chuckles at that. “Well, I appreciate the honesty. How about we go for something small, then. Toast sound good?”

Taako nods, ending the conversation—well, “conversation”—by turning his attention back to the TV.

It’s growing increasingly harder to force a smile. Last night must have been even harder for Taako than it had been for Lup, and that’s saying something. Barry had been hoping that he might not remember, or that the night was a merciful blur, but it’s clear Taako remembers every detail. Barry stops at the couch, almost dropping a kiss to her cheek before remembering the blistering mark on her cheek. With a fresh wave of worry, he kisses her forehead instead and heads to the kitchen.

Gods, the next few hours are going to be difficult. He’s barely spent time with regressed Taako at all, let alone when he’s feeling so small and vulnerable. Not that he doesn’t love Taako, but he’s never one hundred percent sure with how to help. That, and Taako usually runs circles around him with a mixture of lies, deflection, and fake elf facts that Barry falls for every time. He’s never been great with kids, and usually there’s someone else to help make up for his shortcomings.

Now it’s just him and Taako.

He turns around at the sound of shuffling footsteps, to see Taako folding himself into the nearest chair.

“It’s okay, bud.” Barry says. “We can eat in the living room if you want to keep watching your movie.”

Taako shakes his head. From the way he tucks his chin into Chester and doesn’t remove his pacifier, Barry guesses that’s as good an answer as he’ll get.

“Hey, no worries! It’s whatever you want, TK.”

Barry glances back into the living room. It’s not “Barbie and the Star of the Occult” again, but the movie playing is equally familiar. “Barbie and the Great Capital Construction” is another of Taako’s favorites, which features Barbie as an architect assembling her friends to build the Capital Building. It’s no surprise, considering one of the main cast is a carpenter. He must really be missing Magnus about now. Maybe they should get him away from the movies for a while. 

“So what have I missed? Barbie do anything fun?”

Taako drops his eyes and shrugs. His thumb continues to draw nervous circles through Barbie’s hair.

He slides Taako a plate with two pieces of plain toast. The poor kid looks a little pale, so Barry wants to avoid giving him anything that might upset his stomach any further.

“That’s okay. I can talk enough for the two of us.” Barry says, then immediately realizes he has nothing to say. That’s what he gets for nabbing a line straight from Lup’s playbook.

It doesn’t work for him, though, and frankly, he didn’t expect it to. It’s not that Taako regards him with suspicion, not exactly, but there is a distance between them. Neither of them knows where to stand with the other, and that has only grown more evident with Taako’s silence.

“It’d probably be better if I had something more fun I was doing, but I’ve really just been working for the past week. I mean, unless you think reanimating squirrels is fun, but –” He trails off, realizing that Taako is suddenly watching him with rapt interest. “Don’t worry, it’s a lot less fun than it sounds.”

Then again, it’s unlikely anything else he’ll say will be this interesting. Might as well milk it for all it’s worth.

“But if you want me to keep going, I guess I can.”

Taako grins from behind his pacifier and nods, so Barry launches into a lengthy account of reanimating corpses. It’s basic necromancer stuff, but it’s new to Taako, and judging by the way he grins and keeps looking down at his Barbie, he rather likes hearing about it.

“So I’m basically just trying to find dead animals so I don’t have to kill them myself.” Barry concludes. “It’s been a weird couple of weeks, but I found out I can reanimate skeletons so—” 

“ _You can make skeletons dance?_ ”

Barry blinks, unable to contain his shock. He knew some kids liked gross stuff, but he never would’ve taken Taako for one of them. “Uh, I guess so.”

The pacifier is out. Suddenly he has Taako’s full attention. “Can I see?”

“How about after you finish breakfast first?”

Taako doesn’t need to be told twice. Barry breathes a silent sigh of relief as finally, Taako eats. “So why are you killing the squirrels?” There’s a note of bigness in his voice, one that Barry can’t decide if it’s a good or bad thing.

One on hand, Taako has only been feeling little because he’s afraid, but on the other, Barry knows he isn’t that much of a reassuring presence for Taako. So that begs the question. Does Taako not feel safe enough to be as small as he wants to be when it’s just him and Barry?

“Well, the challenge is squirrels don’t speak Common.” Barry chuckles to himself, but the humor is lost on Taako. “I’m trying to see if necromancing an animal can bridge the communication gap. Probably won’t have much practical use, but it’s something neat to put on the resume.”

“Poachers.” Taako suggests. “Or cults that do animal sacrifice! Barbie’s necromancer cult always sacrificed a pig before their big rituals.”

“Good point, little man. You’ve always been so smart.”

Taako preens, nibbling at the last of his toast. He does look a little better. Maybe with any luck, Barry can get him down for an actual nap later. Poor little guy still looks exhausted.

Barry’s labratory is set up in the basement. Not that they don’t have a study specifically for necromancer purposes, but Lup and Barry both agree that basement necromancy much better fits their aesthetic.

Taako has never shown any interest, but once the dishes are done and put away, he couldn’t be more excited. Setting him loose in the lab is like setting him loose in a candy store—Barry’s still debating which could be more dangerous.

“Ooh!” Taako zips past him, making a beeline for the table with the squirrel skeletons.

“Hey now, don’t touch them! We don’t know how they’ll react to different types of magic yet!” Especially transmutation.

Taako obediently pulls his hands back, choosing to grip his toys instead.

Barry breathes a silent sigh of relief. At least he’s listening. There’s one good thing that could come out of this. “Let me show you around, okay?”

He gives Taako the basics, showing him their studying area, which is where they put all the forbidden tomes they’ve collected over the years. He and Lup are fairly sure no one’s going to come trying to take them back now, but they still hide all the actual bookshelf in an indent behind a false one.

On the other side of the room is their work area, and in between is a large table where stray objects from both overlap. Thankfully, though, not the squirrel skeletons. Barry learned his lesson when Lup brought down a plate of ribs for them to eat last month. Needless to say, that didn’t turn out pretty.

“The challenge is combining necromancy and divination into a single spell.” Barry explains. He lifts Taako up by the armpits and sets him on the center table. “That way I don’t have to waste the extra spell slots to be able to speak with them. Besides, squirrels aren’t usually intelligent enough to give us any useful info.”

Taako nods. His eyes trace over the workbench, taking in the various skeletons. Some make for a rather grisly scene, showing the scars of botched spells or messy casting, but Taako doesn’t seem bothered.

If anything, the grit only makes him more intrigued.

“Can you…can you show me?” Taako asks.

“Uh, sure, I guess.” Barry retrieves his wand from the work bench and walks Taako through the steps. The necromancy is the easy part, but using a high-level divination spell knocks the wind out of him each time. He has to sit and recover when the squirrel becomes animated enough to talk.

The squirrel speaks in simple sentences, barely able to tell them more than “collect food, run from noise, chomped by big red squirrel,” which Barry is fairly certain is a fox, but he finds it rude to correct a willing participant. It plays nice with Taako as well, letting Taako pet its skull and attempt a conversation without a fuss.

“Lup and I have been thinking it might be easier to retrieve the memories ourselves instead of asking them to speak.” Barry tells Taako as the spell wears off. The squirrel hops from the center table back to the workbench, before going limp like a dropped marionette.

Taako’s head jerks in his direction. “You can do that?”

Barry furrows his brow. That’s a rather odd thing for Taako to focus on. “We’re hoping we can, at least. It’s possible, but it make take a while to get right.”

“Kind of like a Voidfish.” Taako ventures. “But backwards.”

He’s fishing for something. If only Barry knew what. “Something like that.” He stands, grunting as his knees creak in protest, and goes about putting everything back into its previous organized chaos.

“Can we bring back Jerry later?”

“Oh, his name is Jerry?”

“Yup. He told me so.”

While Barry doubts that, he also doubts arguing with a toddler will do any good. “I had no idea you liked dead things so much, TK.” Barry chuckles.

“Things are less scary when they know they gotta stay dead.”

Barry almost drops the scissors he’s holding. How is Taako able to say something like that so casually, so matter-of-factly? “TK…” He stops there, because what else is there to even say?

He always got the sense that Barry and Lup’s rather strange relationship with death and lichdom scared Taako, but it seems his experiences in Wonderland only helped seal the deal. That being said, what have become of his Starblaster memories? Are they even times he can think of fondly anymore?

“I was wondering where you boys ran off to.” A new voice says, interrupting his thoughts.

Barry grins, hoping it doesn’t look too strained. He’ll just have to keep that last comment to himself. No use worrying Lup even further, not when she’s already so upset with the distance between her and Taako. “Hey, Lup. Sorry to disappear on ya, but the little guy wanted to see the dead squirrels.”

“But of course. Talking squirrels are awesome.” With a wide yawn, Lup hops up on the table beside Taako, affectionately bumping their shoulders together. “Are you having fun, Koko?”

Taako nods. Apparently he doesn’t find his earlier comment worth repeating either. After a moment of hesitation, he puts his pacifier back in his mouth and leans into Lup’s side.

“That’s good.” She yawns again.

“You can go back to sleep if you need to.” Barry offers. “I think Taako and I have things under control.”

“That’s the point. Can’t go letting you have all the fun now, can I? ’Sides, I snagged a couple hours.” On some level, she must know something’s been going on. It’s hard to ignore the furtive glances she keeps shooting in Taako’s direction.

Barry’s about to suggest Lup bring back Jerry when the ravens caw. With the urgency in their cries, it sounds almost like a warning.

Taako shrinks back, but Lup catches him before he can take off. “Hey, hey, it’s alright. They’re just telling us someone’s here. No biggie.”

Barry cringes at the panic that twists Taako’s face. “Who’s here?”

Lup gives him a wry smile. “You’ll see. C’mon, it’s a good surprise.”

Taako pouts at that. It never ceases to amaze Barry how quickly he’ll change tactics when he’s not getting his way. “I don’t _want_ to see anyone else.”

“Hey, now, don’t be so sure.” Lup hops off the table, opening her arms for him. “If you come and say hi, I’m sure we can spare a cookie or two.”

Huffing, Taako wraps his arms around her neck. “Only for cookies,” he clarifies, just to let them know how unhappy he is with this situation.

“Only for the cookies.” Lup confirms. “Babe, can you get the door?”

“Sure thing.” Barry hustles ahead of her to get the basement door for her, only for a knock at the front door to come next. “I’ll get that one too.”

Lup hangs back, ignoring the way Taako is pouting but still making sure he sees exactly who’s coming through the door when Barry opens it.

“Good to see ya,” Barry greets, but it’s drowned out by Taako’s screech of delight.

“ _Emmy!_ ”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, have a nice long chapter that I'm very sick of looking at!

Merle is barely two steps in the door before a very fast, very teeny kiddo is running at him.

Taako drops to his knees, putting himself on Merle’s level as he buries his face in Merle’s shoulder and clings to his tunic for all it’s worth.

“ _You’re here!_ ”

“Of course I am!” Merle says. “I couldn’t pass up on a chance to see my little buddy again.”

The reunion is almost happy, if he didn’t glance up and immediately see Barry and Lup, looking different shades of exhausted. And call him crazy, but Lup looks almost hurt beneath that smile of hers.

In his attempts to be a better father, Merle has gotten a pretty keen sense of knowing when something is wrong. Even better, he’s developed a drive to actually do something about it instead of hiding out until someone else takes care of it.

“Go to sleep, you two.”

Lup blinks. “Are you sure? We could at least make you some tea. You don’t immediately have to launch into babysitter mode.”

“Please. I’ve handled the kiddo before. I know what I’m doing.” Not to mention if he wants to crack at what’s going on, he’s going to have to divide and conquer. Even in her call, Lup didn’t mention much, other than Taako was having nightmares and might like a familiar face, so yeah, he was going to find out more, whether they wanted him to or not.

Lup and Barry both adopt reluctant looks, making it clear that they’re not going to budge.

Luckily, Taako comes to his rescue. “I’ll be okay.” Taako promises them. “’m good at telling Emmy what to do.”

If anything, it gets a smile out of the two of them.

“If you’re sure, squirt.” Lup teases. “Just don’t come crying to me when you start missing the coolest sister ever.”

“Bye, TK. I’ll make sure to reanimate Jerry’s bones for you again after I get some rest.” Barry says, a statement that to anyone outside their friend group would’ve been deeply disturbing to hear.

Without context, Merle is still slightly confused, but Taako seems excited at the prospect, so he doesn’t question it.

The next sign that Merle gets that something is wrong is as the two of them leave. They make sure to shower Taako with the appropriate amount of hugs and kisses, but as Lup moves in for a hug, the way Taako goes tense is unmistakable. They all notice, but the action hangs unspoken between them, a code of sorts.

Lup smiles like it didn’t happen, and Taako does the same exact same thing. And even after Lup and Barry are gone, the tension in the room still remains.

It’s now that Merle realizes he has his work cut out for him.

“Hey, kiddo, if I remember right…” Merle pulls out a scrap of paper and a fantasy softball from his bag. Written in Taako’s sloppy, childish handwriting are the words “Emmy owes Taako one game of catch by threat of execution,” which is further verified by Lucretia and Davenport’s respective signatures. “I owe you a game of catch.”

Taako’s eyes widen. “Oh yeah!” His lips twist unpleasantly at the sight of Luretia’s name, but the distraction is sufficient enough to dissipate some of the weirdness hanging in the air.

“Let’s give Lup and Barry some peace and quiet, yeah?” He heads back toward the door, and Taako’s smile falters just a bit.

However, before Merle can ask, his look of concern is gone, and he’s rushing out ahead of Merle.

They go a little ways out from the cottage, but not too far. For once, Merle’s thankful for his stubby legs, because it allows Taako to set the pace and choose how far out they go.

Merle only puts a couple feet between him in Taako. Mavis likes to keep the distance between them small so they can talk, while Mookie likes to run wild and see the longest throw he can catch. For Taako, especially right now, they go for a very small distance. Even on a regular day, he’s not much for running and playing, but if Merle is reading the room right, the last thing he wants at the moment is physical activity.

“You okay, kiddo?” Merle asks. He tosses the first pitch underhanded, and Taako catches it just as easily. “You seemed a little antsy coming out here.”

“It’s nothing. Sissy’s got the wards up.” Taako explains, but it sounds suspiciously more like he’s trying to convince himself. “That means nothing bad is allowed in.”

“Oh, well that’s good.”

“Yeah, they showed me and everything.” And for some reason, he doesn’t sound happy about that. He lobs the softball back to Merle with an impressive amount of accuracy. Merle doesn’t even have to move to catch it.

There’s no doubt that Taako is keeping a lot of issues close to his chest right now. Merle’s seen the look on the kiddo’s face a hundred times at this point, but before he can come up with a solution, he needs to do a little prodding first.

“So how has it been so far? I know Lup was really worried about you not regressing for a while.” What he doesn’t want to bring up is Wonderland, since just the word is enough to make him clam up and shut down. He and Magnus have tried many times in the past eighteen months, always to the same results. There’s no reason to think that now would be any different.

Taako pauses for a minute, taking a step back as the ball flies back in his direction. He has a habit of catching the ball with both hands, just to make sure he won’t drop it. “It’s been good.”  
The answer is short, clipped. And that’s fine. It just means Merle has to draw him out of his shell a bit. “What have you been doing?”

Taako tosses the ball back. “We watched movies. Blue showed me the dead squirrels.”

“Were those the dancing skeletons he was talking about?”

“Yeah.”

“Thank Pan. I thought he was back to committing war crimes!”

Taako giggles, causing him to fumble with the ball as it goes sailing back in his direction.

Merle prods at a few other subjects. He asks how Taako’s been sleeping and how he’s been eating, both to noncommittal half-answers. They’re more lies than truth— “Sissy makes good food,” “sleep’s been okay”—but Merle knows better than to push at the moment.

He changes the subject after that, and launches into everything he’s been doing. He tells Taako about his work with Bottlenose Cove and Extreme Teen Adventures, and thankfully, Taako starts to come out of his shell a little more.

Though he’s never mentioned it, Taako probably misses adventuring more than he’s let on. Sure, they’ve gone on a handful of brief one-off missions full of references and fan favorite characters, but not anything more. Merle thinks that’s partly by design. The idea of a full-fledged adventure must be all sorts of terrifying for Taako.

They retire against a nearby oak tree, and before Merle even has time to consider his next course of action, Taako already has his pacifier back in.

Lup hadn’t mentioned it, but he’s not surprised. On top of everything Taako’s been through, it must make it easier to have an excuse not to talk.

Merle doesn’t mind. There’s so much of his life that’s filled with busy hours now. From being a governor, no matter how small the territory, from running Extreme Teen Adventures, and from taking a more active role in the lives of his kids, quiet moments like this are very much few and far between.

Not to say that he resents those times, or that the cacophony of young adventurers doesn’t do an old soul good. He’s happy with where his life has turned out, he’s happy with his current situation, but at that same time, he’s missed the quiet moments, sitting beside his closest friends with nothing in the world to care about.

“Emmy, can I ask a question?” The pacifier is out again, and Taako is watching him curiously. From the straight spine to the fidgety fingers, everything about his body language reads as something being up.

And of course, the only thing Merle can do is offer to listen. “Sure thing, kiddo.”

Taako eyes him warily. “And I won’t get in trouble?”

Usually a question like that from Taako is cause for suspicion, but Merle doubts he’s scheming this time. Even if he is, Merle can let it slide. Even with how happy Taako was to see him, they still started out with a distance between them, and the only way to close said distance is to help Taako feel at ease. “Shoot.”

“Does it hurt?” he asks, gesturing toward Merle’s missing eye.

“Not at all.” Merle says, unable to keep the confusion out of his voice. He knows it’s taking some getting used to, especially now that their meetups are a little less frequent, but that still doesn’t explain what brought this on. “Would you like to see it?”

Taako nods, looking guilty over the question he didn’t ask and ashamed for saying yes anyway.

Merle lifts his eye patch, revealing the smooth skin underneath it. The Wonderland elves left him without so much as a scar. And yeah, sometimes his depth perception is a little off, but it’s never once hurt. There’s never a day where he’s forgotten what he’s lost, per se, but eventually you get used to the absence

Taako reaches out, but pulls back at the last second. “C-can I?” His face is burning.

It’s not the first time Merle’s been asked about his eye. Mookie especially was curious the first time Merle visited after returning from Wonderland. Not to mention he’s had plenty of kids on Extreme Teen Adventures ask how he lost his eye. Some of the younger kids have asked to see it, and even younger ones have asked to touch it. Simply put, it stopped being a sore subject a long time ago.

“Sure, kiddo. It’s fine.”

Merle feels the trembles jolting his hands as Taako gently runs his thumb over Merle’s missing eye. It’s probably the gentlest Taako’s ever been with him. “Wish I could’ve found where they put it.” Taako murmurs, more to himself than to Merle.

But that doesn’t mean Merle isn’t going to ask anyway. “Found what, kiddo?”

Taako shrinks back, the distance between them suddenly vast. “Um…” he trails off, gesturing vaguely towards his own eye.

Any other words Merle had been planning to say dry up on his tongue. Well, that explains a lot. Merle had suspected Wonderland baggage was a major factor, but now he’s unsure just how much. How much guilt is Taako carrying around from that adventure? “Honey, you were being held hostage. It’s okay.”

“Yeah, buh-but when I got free the first thing I did was get revenge. Then I tried to run away. I didn’t even try looking.” He drops his head to fiddle with the ends of his shirt. “I know they had them somewhere, just like they had my grown-up headspace. But I didn’t even look.”

Merle scoots forward, ignoring the way Taako tries and fails not to go tense, and carefully brushes the bangs out of Taako’s face. “Taako, and I can’t stress this enough, you were trying to _survive_. It’s okay that you weren’t fighting for an escape plan or planning a heist. You were vulnerable and hurt. Besides, we were so afraid of losing you. You know we wouldn’t have wanted you putting yourself in unnecessary danger. It’s okay. You saved Magnus. Don’t beat yourself up over that.”

Taako hums, making it clear he barely believes what Merle’s saying, but he doesn’t move back any. The distance between them is small, their knees just barely touching, but Taako doesn’t pull back after hearing that.

“You wanna know what I think?” Merle waits until Taako glances up at him before continuing. “I think there’s more to it than just my eye.”

Taako sniffles, turning his head away to sullenly rub at his eyes. There are no tears in his eyes, at least not yet, but it gives him something to do with his restless hands. “Nuh-uh. Just feel bad ’cause you picked a lame eyepatch and no one has the heart to tell you it looks stupid. It’s a tragedy.”

“Young man, don’t make me use Zone of Truth on you.” Merle warns, but he’s laughing as he says it.

Thankfully, his laughter gets Taako’s going in turn. “It probably wouldn’t even work!” he giggles.

“Hey now, I’ve had plenty of successful Zone of Truth casts before!” Merle laughs. He’d forgotten how easy it is to get swept up in Taako’s laughter, which feels more precious knowing it’s in short supply.

“I’ll take my chances.” Taako says. His knee bumps Merle’s as he shifts to slip his pacifier back into his pocket.

Merle fights back a grimace, making a mental note to get that pacifier washed before Taako can put it in his mouth again. “Really though, would you mind being honest with me?”

Taako sits up, his posture snapping back to stiff and wary. He takes a second before answering, and even then, he sounds uncertain, “I won’t be in trouble?”

“Of course not.” Merle leans in, his voice low and conspiratorial. “You didn’t kill anyone, did you?”

And while he thought his joke was good, Taako doesn’t even crack a smile. He folds his arms over his chest, holding himself, but lets go after a moment. His hands go back to twisting up his shirt sleeves, unsure of what else to do to dispel his nervous energy.

“Me and Sissy don’t work together anymore,” he mumbles. He keeps his eyes on the ground as he says it. “And it’s my fault. My head’s broke cuz of Wonderland. I’m stuck inside too, ’cause the outside makes me nervous. ’n I swear I’m trying to be good with the hugs but it’s hard ’cuz I’m not used to it anymore.” He knots his hands in his shirt, his knuckles going pale from the strain. “I can’t go out, I can’t sleep, everything I do makes Sissy sad.”

The way the words come tumbling out of him, one thought after another, only confirm how badly he needed someone to confide in.

At least this has an air of familiarity to it. Here, at least Merle has an idea of how to approach the situation. All they need to do is let everything out into the open, to turn all those unspoken truths into problems they can address. “Aw, buddy, I’m sorry to hear that. But I’m sure if you told Lup—”

“She scares me.”

That shuts Merle up real quick. He takes a shallow breath, trying to trace the new trajectory of the conversation. The tense contact, the way she and Taako moved uncertainly around each other, it all suddenly made far too much sense. It wasn’t guilt; it was fear. “What happened?”

“Sh-she did the lich thing. And she looked just like Aun—like the Wonderland liches.” Taako draws his knees in closer, his face burning red. “But I should be able to tell the difference. I’m being stupid and Sissy’s getting hurt because of it. You saw that look on her face, right? That’s how she looks at me all the time now.”

“Hey, hey, don’t talk like that.” Merle says. What he won’t say is that he’s gone from concerned to outright terrified because _Taako_ and _self-deprecation_ just don’t go together.

“But it’s true. If I could just fix my stupid head, Sissy and I would be having fun and Blue wouldn’t feel so awkward and I could actually sleep!” His voice pitches up into a yell, which isn’t uncommon for Taako. He prefers pitching his fits nice and loud, but this is something else entirely. It’s like, despite his best efforts, all the frustration and desperation he’s been shoving down has finally bubbled to the surface.

Merle keeps his voice calm, which is a challenge. He’s out of his depth here. In a way, they all are. “It’s not that easy, kiddo. You know that. It’s gonna take a lot of time to heal from what those monsters did to you. And that’s okay. You don’t owe us anything, and you especially don’t need to pretend like everything’s okay when it’s not.”

Taako whines in frustration, his hands clutching his head. “Just wish I could fix things. Sissy’s scared, Blue’s scared, _I’m scared_ ‘n I can’t even go to sleep to not think about it!”

“I know. Shh.” Merle loops an arm around Taako’s shoulders, and Taako all but collapses into his lap. “I know, kiddo. It’s tough.”

All he gets is a tiny sob in response. The dam hasn’t broken yet, but it may very well soon.

“I know.” Merle soothes. “I know. It’s hard being a Taako, huh?”

Taako nods.

“I bet you want me to keep this from Sissy and Blue for a while, huh? Until you can tell them on your own?”

Another nod, paired with a sniffle.

“That’s okay. It’s a lot to share.” Apparently moving is too much work, because Taako hasn’t budged since he flopped over. Merle tries to get a peek at his face, but he’s deliberately turned so Merle can do no such thing. He rubs circles into Taako’s back. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me. Is there anything I can do to help?”

Taako doesn’t answer verbally. Instead, he takes Merle’s hand in his own and holds tight.

“That’s fine. I’m here for you, buddy. Take as much time as you need.”

Merle isn’t sure how much time passes in silence. At points, it feels like Taako has nodded off, only for him to shift or sniffle or some other dead giveaway.

Merle doesn’t mind it, but it does concern him. Taako’s never been one for a lot of quiet time—that’s one of the things that’s never changed—so the fact that he’s soaking it up now doesn’t bode well. The only other time Merle can remember him wanting quiet time was when he came down with that terrible illness. That’s not even mentioning the fact that Barry and Lup have never seen him like this and probably aren’t handling it the best. Not that he can blame them. But they’d been planning for a hyperactive grade schooler, not a traumatized toddler.

After some time, Taako finally speaks up. “No more food,” he whimpers.

“What?”

“That’s what I want you to do. Make them stop giving me food.” Taako shoots up from his spot in Merle’s lap, a half-wild look in his eyes. “Emmy, they won’t stop giving me food! I’m not even hungry!”

And at that, Merle can’t help laughing. “I’m sorry, kiddo. I’ll see what I can do.”

While this appeases Taako, he’s also keenly aware he’s being made fun of. He juts his lower lip out in a pout. “Not funny.” He sinks down into Merle’s lap again, clumsily, as if that little outburst had utterly drained him.

“I know, I know. Emmy’s sorry.” Merle’s fingers twist into Taako’s hair, and he’s struck with the urge to braid it. His restless sleep is nowhere more apparent than in the tangles of his hair, lingering from a night’s worth of tossing and turning.

The tangles and knots part easily under his fingers, and Taako practically melts under the touch, so there’s no way he can stop, even if he wanted to. It’s easy, repetitive work, so his mind almost automatically wanders to his unique situation.

He’s barely been here an hour and Taako’s already trusting him with secrets, which says a lot about how isolated he feels, even with his two favorite caregivers in the world. Not to mention that Taako’s having a way rougher time than anyone had anticipated. Hell, the way things are shaping up, the backup might need backup too.

It’s a good thing reinforcements are coming. Lup called both him and Magnus, but Merle was able to respond quicker. They would’ve traveled together, but they both agreed that getting Taako comfort as soon as possible was their top priority.

So Magnus is on his way, he just has a longer journey ahead of him. That didn’t even include the time it took to find a dog sitter, whereas Merle could, much to the chagrin of the rest of the Bottlenose Cove government, leave without so much as a warning. Merle just hopes this whole thing doesn’t backfire and make Barry and Lup feel worse about the whole situation.

A soft snore draws his attention, and with a sigh of relief, he realizes Taako has dozed off in his lap.

Well, only time will tell, he supposes.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for this chapter in advance. My mental health has been taking a turn for the worse and I don't have the energy for my normal standard of editing. Please excuse any typos!

“You actually got him to sleep.”

Despite the softness of the voice, Merle still jolts awake as if someone was yelling. And, to be fair, someone does yell a moment later—mainly because Merle’s whole body jolts and he ends up accidentally kneeing Taako in the forehead.

“ _Emmy!_ ” Taako whines.

“Oh, I’m sorry, kiddo!” He leans in to kiss it better, but Taako pulls away, glowering.

Lup chuckles. “Someone’s in trouble, Merle.” She looks much better than when he last saw her. The bags under her eyes are gone, and hopefully the time to relax helped her not take Taako’s aversion to her as hard.

“Story of my life,” he jokes. “Did you sleep well?”

“Well enough.” Lup replies. Knowing her, she and Barry probably only slept half the time, using the other half to talk through everything that was going on and to run strategy.

Taako yawns. “Hi, Sissy.” There’s no doubt he’s turning up the cute now, but knowing that only makes Merle wonder if Lup can see through it. Has the distance between them grown so much that she can’t even tell when her brother is faking. Then again, this is brand new territory for her, in addition to how long it’s been. Of course Taako has the advantage.

Lup melts on the spot. “Hi, Koko. You ready for dinner?”

Taako’s head whips in Merle’s direction, eyes pleading. Apparently any grudges can be forgiven when there’s something he doesn’t want to do. At least that has stayed the same.

“We’ll keep it light.” Lup promises, cutting Merle off before he even has the chance to start.

She must know something about his diminished appetite. Maybe not as much as Merle does, but she knows he’s reluctant to eat at least.

“I don’t want to.” Taako responds.

“Please? Maybe we can have a little dessert after?”

His eyes light up, just for a brief moment, but still he shakes his head. “Don’t want to,” he repeats.

He’s pushing, for whatever reason. Normally Merle wouldn’t hesitate to push back, but Taako is so little, not to mention terrified. It feels almost mean to discipline him.

Lup is trying to keep it together, but the lines of stress are starting to show. It’s getting harder for her to keep up that smile. “I know you’re not feeling well, but you need to eat something. Something small, okay? Maybe some cheese and crackers?”

Taako clamps his mouth shut. If anything, Lup’s attempts to reasonable are only making him more stubborn. “Mm-mm.”

This can’t be good for either of them. Merle decides to step in before it can get much worse. “How about you just sit at the table with us?” Merle offers.

And with that suggestion, Merle has once again solidified himself as Taako’s favorite person. Taako leans into Merle, wrapping his arms around Merle’s neck. “Wanna sit with Emmy,” he says.

Lup smiles—softer this time, so the cracks aren’t as visible. “Sure thing, Koko.”

Lup knows better than to disagree with another caregiver. No matter how tiny Taako is, revealing something like that in front of him is just begging for him to exploit that. Disagree on if he should be having sweets once and next thing you know, he’s working both sides and getting twice the sweets. Magnus acts like he isn’t miffed about that anymore, but he still shoots Merle a glare whenever the topic comes up again.

Dinner starts silent, tense, but Merle breaks the silence quickly enough. All it takes is a little prodding and Lup and Barry are more than happy to talk about their necromantic research and reaper work, which has the added bonus of utterly transfixing Taako. He never really cared for the technical stuff before, but tonight, it seems like he can’t get enough of it.

In the end, Lup does manage to cajole him into a few bites of steak, but it isn’t long before he turns his head away and hides his face in Merle’s shoulder until she lets up. Still, it was more than Merle expected, so she isn’t nearly as out of practice as she claims she is.

As the night wears on, Taako gets progressively littler. He grabs Chester at some point, which is no surprise, and puts in his pacifier, which is only expected because of his behavior earlier.

Then out come the Pan-forsaken Barbie movies, which Merle has only grown more sick of after regaining his memories. During their time in the Bureau of Balance, Magnus had purchased a couple of them to go with Taako’s dolls, and Taako then proceeded to watch them repeatedly. They have been his go-to entertainment for the longest time, and getting his memories back has only solidified that.

If Merle’s being honest, the movies aren’t not too bad, and he does enjoy himself after he gets over his initial grumpiness, but the fact that he never has a choice makes it hard for him to get there.

Lup waits until Taako’s eyes start getting heavy before she tries giving him a sippy cup of warm milk. It gives her a chance to wash off the pacifier before he has the chance to miss it.

“I’ll come get him when the movie’s over.” Lup murmurs, switching the empty sippy cup for the pacifier. Taako can barely keep his head up. “You know how he is if you shut off Barbie before it’s done.

“Oh, do I.” Merle chuckles. “I’ll keep an eye on him.”

“Thanks.” A half-sad smile comes to her face. “He really missed you.”

There’s nothing Merle wants to do more than smooth out the creases of worry in her face, to reassure her and let her know that things aren’t as bad as she thinks they are. That she is valid in feeling upset, and that she can be small too if she needs it. After all, when was the last time she regressed? Not since escaping the Umbra Staff, for sure.

But there’s no way she’d agree to that. Not when Taako needs her. Stubborn as mules, the both of them, but Merle’s known that for a long time now. She has to come to that conclusion on her own.

So Merle waves her off, telling her to get some rest while he deals with the rugrat, and with some reluctance, she leaves.

Taako’s asleep, curled up on his side with Chester in his arms. Merle can feel himself drifting off. It wouldn’t be such a crime to catch a few winks himself, would it?

Merle startles awake as someone tugs on his sleeve. Taako watches him curiously. “What’s up, little buddy?”

No answer. Taako just keeps tugging on his sleeve, rather insistently. The credits are rolling on TV, so the movie must have just ended. That can’t be a coincidence, can it?

“Something wrong?” Merle sits up, stretches, regrets it. He really has to stop falling asleep on the couch; his back can’t take much more of this.

He only understands when Lup comes up to the two of them, leaning over the back of the couch to better fuss with Taako’s hair. “Okay, bub. Ready for bed?”

“Emmy and I aren’t tired.” Taako explains. “We’re gonna stay up a little later.”

The pause that falls between them is heavy. The twins hold eye contact, playing a silent game of chicken. It’s kind of cruel of Taako to play on his sister’s insecurities like this, because it relies on the knowledge that Lup feels like Merle knows her own brother better.

“Okay…” Lup answers finally. Her tone gives away just how little she believes him, but apparently the fight isn’t worth it. “Just try not to stay up too late. You need your sleep.”

“Okay, Sissy.”

“Alright. Goodnight, Koko.”

“Ni-ni, Sissy.” Is he really that little or is he just using his cute voice to help get his way? He opens his arms for a hug, which she is more than delighted to give him.

Merle waits until she leaves, until he hears the click of her bedroom door closing, before speaking.

“That wasn’t very honest, bud.” Merle chastises.

Taako frowns. The admonishment really only prompted him to dig his heels into the ground. If anything, he looks offended that Merle isn’t siding with him. “I had a nap earlier. That’s enough.”

Merle hesitates, weighing his options. It won’t do any good to isolate Taako any further, but it’s also something he can’t let slide. It’s too mean to Lup.

“I know. But don’t you think it’d be easier to just tell Lup that instead of lying?”

Taako gives a noncommital shrug. “Dunno.”

That’s a new behavior. Sure, Taako likes to lie to get his way, but usually it’s for stuff like getting extra dessert—things he’d get told no for. But he’s always more than happy to shout to the world that he isn’t happy with something. Is this a learned behavior from his time in Wonderland? It might be best to approach with caution.

“Look,” he says finally, “I’m not gonna force you to sleep. I know it’s hard for you, and I know everything is scary right now. But if you need to or just want to, I’ll be right here to protect you, okay?”

Taako’s ears turn pink. He finally has the grace to look embarrassed about lying to his sister. “Okay…”

He runs his fingers through Taako’s hair, brushing his bangs out of his face. “I’m right here, kiddo.”

“I don’t mean to.” Taako whispers. “But they keep asking me to do things I don’t wanna do. It’s better than throwing a fit, isn’t it?”

Maybe throwing a fit would do him some good. Merle can tell just by looking at him how pent-up he feels. An outlet for that aggression might just do wonders.

Not that Taako is any more likely to listen to him than Lup is. No, this might be something he has to talk over with Magnus.

“How about we watch another movie?” Merle suggests. It’s a clear dodge—they both know what they’re agreeing to stay silent about—but Merle isn’t going to give up Taako’s favor so easily.

Not if it can bring him any closer to finding out what’s going on with him.

“Sounds good.” Taako agrees. He closes the space between them, resting his head on Merle’s shoulder as the next movie starts up.

That’s the last thing said between them for the entire night.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise this is the last chapter I stop being so mean to Lup specifically (keyword here being "specifically")

The next few days move by slowly and quietly.

Taako doesn’t offer up any new information, but at the same time, Merle doesn’t ask for it.

He does prod, but not enough to get him caught. Just some small things, like asking Taako how his Barbies are or asking if Chester is tired. Which, while not exactly the picture of subtlety, is lowkey enough to fly under Taako’s radar at the moment. Because Taako is _little._ Teeny tiny. Itsy bitsy. Most of the time he’s entirely nonverbal, but on the off chance he isn’t, he’s barely capable of more than a few sentences at a time.

Baby Taako is just…quiet. The only words Merle consistently hears out of him are “p’ease” and “tank you,” which is a shock all by itself. Who would’ve thought baby Taako would be the one with manners?

Mealtimes haven’t gotten any better. The most that they’ve been able to get him is a couple meal supplement shakes, which they’ve all decided to pretend are just milkshakes they’re sneaking him behind everyone else’s backs. It’s either working like a charm or Taako is just letting them believe that.

Merle can already see the changes. Nothing drastic, but Taako’s skin doesn’t have the same healthy glow it normally does. He has dark circles under his eyes and a heaviness to his movements. At first, Merle thought he just wasn’t in the mood to do anything but cuddle, but it’s becoming more likely that he simply doesn’t have the energy.

Needless to say, the cavalry comes in right on time.

The sound of a carriage has Taako popping his head up like a prairie dog. He’d been fighting to stay awake during his and Merle’s third Barbie movie of the day, but in that moment, he couldn’t be more alert.

Merle gives him a knowing smile. “Who’s that, buddy? Wanna go check?”

Taako pads over to the window peeks over the window sill, his face lighting up when he realizes who’s walking up to the front door.

“ _Maggie!_ ” he squeaks, loud enough to startle the ravens. The fact that he flings open the front door with an equal amount of force doesn’t help.

And of course Magnus can match his enthusiasm. “ _Taako!_ ” He plucks Taako out of the air, holding him effortlessly as he spins the two of them in circles.

Taako shrieks with laughter, holding tight to Magnus’s shoulders.

“Yeah, well, if I had the upper body strength, I could be the favorite too.” Merle jokes. He doesn’t bother getting up, instead preferring to heckle Magnus from the comfort of the couch. “You sure took your time.”

“We had a wagon breakdown halfway here.” Magnus explains, setting Taako on his hip. “We probably would’ve been stuck a lot longer if it weren’t for my proficiency with vehicles.”

“Already with the proficiencies.” Lup jokes. She brings Magnus in for a one-armed, half hug, which is difficult to manage around Taako. “Good to see you.”

“Same here! I can’t tell you how much I missed you all. Oh, and before I forget…” Magnus trails off, reaching into his pack. He pulls out a chocolate bar and a pink box, which he hands to Taako. “Avi says hi.”

Taako coos with excitement as he takes the presents. For a second, Merle dares to hope he might eat, but he barely pays the chocolate bar any mind. No, his gaze is entirely focused on the pink box, which Merle sees is a package of Barbie clothes as the two head inside.

Barry and Lup take a suitcase each, seeing as Magnus currently has his hands full. Merle catches them whispering under their breath, and the fact that they don’t return right to the living room all but confirms something is up.

“You entertain the kiddo for a while.” Merle says, sliding off the couch. “I’m gonna go check on the other two.”

“Oh, I see how it is.” Magnus teases. He keeps trying to shoot Merle a disapproving look, but it gets interrupted by Taako constantly nuzzling up his face like an overly affectionate cat. “Ditch us as soon as you get the chance.”

“You got me.” Merle laughs. “This was all an elaborate prank to make you babysit the kid while I get the credit.”

Merle pauses in the hallway as he leaves, hearing the soft cadences of their voices trickle in from the living room.

“Didn’t know if you were coming.” Taako mumbles. It’s the first full sentence he’s said all day.

Magnus fake-gasps. “Of course I did! I couldn’t let Merle have all the fun, could I?”

“Missed you. Lots and lots and lots.”

“I missed you too, buddy.”

Lup and Barry are in the kitchen, and while Lup is trying to look happy for Taako, she’s failing by a large margin. Barry keeps rubbing soothing circles into her back, but she doesn’t seem to realize.

“Hey, Lup.” Merle greets. “Mind if we have a boring grown-up conversation?” His eyes stray tellingly back to the living room. “Away from little listening ears?”

Lup perks up at that. There may be little she can do, but the promise Merle’s voice carries, that he’s making progress with Taako and figuring out things she can’t, has her at attention.

“Sure thing, I have some tax forms to fill out if you’d like to lend a hand.”

“You and I both know I’ve never filled one of those out in my life.”

“Yeah, and I’m still shocked you haven’t been put in prison for it.”

“Being a multiverse savior has its perks.”

“Yeah, but like, Merle? You work in the _government_.”

“You and I both know that just makes it easier to not pay my taxes.”

Lup laughs at that, which is a relief. Merle would rather her be in somewhat higher spirits for this conversation, especially when he’s been going over what he should say and knowing just how hard it’s going to be for her to hear. Magnus’s arrival has provided him with the perfect opportunity to sleep away. Since Taako’s been rather committed to not sleeping, Merle hasn’t been able to wait for him to doze off, even though a crash is long overdue at this point.

“You probably aren’t gonna like what you hear.” Merle warns.

Lup gives a rueful smile as she shuts the bedroom door behind her. She and Barry still have some of Taako’s blankets in here, like they’re hoping he’ll want to sleep in their bed again. After what Merle heard about that first night, it’s unlikely. “What else is new?”

Merle cringes at the next words out of his mouth. It’s better to get out with it, to rip off the band-aid, so to speak. “He’s scared of you.”

Lup doesn’t even blink. “Yeah. I saw that coming. It’s ’cause of the necromancer shit, right?”

“It reminds him of those Wonderland pricks.”

Lup makes a small sound of disgust from the back of her throat. “Fuck those guys. I wanna learn how to bring back liches just so I can kill them again.”

“You don’t mean that.” Merle tries to soothe her, but the dam is breaking. She’s been holding back these feelings for too long.

“I do, I’ve been looking into it!” Lup insists. “I’m going to make a necromantic breakthrough that’ll be lauded in history books just because those two were bitches!”

“That won’t do anyone any good.”

“Yeah, but it’ll make me _feel_ better!” Lup huffs. The temperature around her flares, her fire magic begging to roar to life.

Merle forces his voice to remain even. “Will it?”

Lup whirls on him, her eyes wild. Merle meets her gaze calmly, allowing her to come back to herself. It’s so easy for her to get caught up in her own temper, but a guiding voice will usually help ground her.

The fight slowly but surely drains out of her. It starts with her shoulders and goes down, unclenching her fists, stilling the tapping of her feet.

With a sigh, she shakes her head. “No, it won’t. This is misplaced anger stemming from my current feelings of helplessness in addition to my growing estrangement with my kid brother.”

Merle gets the feeling that this is just the tip of the iceberg. “Come here. Sit.” He pats the space on the bed beside him.

Lup doesn’t so much sit, rather collapses. From how much she’s slouching, they’re almost eye level. “Merle, this sucks.”

Merle chuckles, giving her shoulder a comforting pat. “I know. Nothing can ever be easy, can it?”

But it’s like Lup didn’t even hear him. She sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. “And I don’t mean to sound so shitty. You’ve been such a big help these past few days. It’s just… I don’t know. This sucks!”

“It does suck.” Merle agrees.

It’s like all she needs is the confirmation. She leans into him, resting her cheek against his head, wringing the tension out of her body with another well-placed sigh.

“Barry’s having a tough time too. And I know he’s just trying to help, but… I don’t know. It’s different. Taako and I are supposed to just _work_ , no matter what.”

“I know.”

She drops her head into her hands and groans. “I just don’t know what to do anymore.”

“I understand.”

“Merle, tell me what to do.”

Merle hesitates. Now, the right thing to say, the thing he usually tells his kids, is that they have to make the decision for themselves. But Lup is a stubborn girl. Taako’s tantrums have nothing on Lup when she digs her heels in. So maybe a little push in the right direction wouldn’t hurt things.

“Now, this is just a suggestion, but you might be able to make him more comfortable if you… got on his level?”

And just like that, Lup shuts down. The familiar look, the one she gets when she’s completely shut down to someone else, finally makes a reappearance. “Absolutely not, hoss.”

“Well, why not?”

Lup balks. “I can’t do that to him! He’s alone, and isolated, and scared, and _traumatized!_ I can’t just—” she fumbles for the right wording “—take some of the attention for myself!”

“Look, I give Magnus a day at most before he drops.”

“Yeah, but that’s Magnus.” Lup replies dismissively. “He’s a little ball of hyperactive sunshine, and he’s wanted to be the oldest between the two of them for _years_. I’m the adult here!” But she says it more like she’s convincing herself than Merle.

“I’m sure Taako would really appreciate having someone on his level.” Merle ventures. “And if it helps you along the way, what’s the harm? It might help you understand him a little better.”

“I’ll think about it.” Lup concedes, which for anyone fluent in Lup-speak, translates to “absolutely not.”

But Merle nods. He doesn’t have the heart to call her out on it. “Just consider it. That’s all I ask.”

“Right. Yeah. Sure.” Lup stands, and just like that, the conversation is over. “I need to start dinner prep.”

She sweeps out of the room, giving Merle no choice but to follow after her. He winces at the sight that greets them.

Taako is draped over Magnus’s shoulder, Chester hanging in his slackened grip by a single paw. His pacifier bobs rhythmically in his mouth. Magnus sways, humming something quietly under his breath. Probably that stupid Elven lullaby he loves to show off with.

“I thought you said he was having trouble sleeping.” Magnus murmurs.

Lup blinks. Her shoulders are tense, raised, like every part of her body is being held up on strings. “He was. A lot. What happened?”

“He asked to be picked up again—well, he did those cute little grabby hands, and you know I can’t say no to those—and he fell asleep right away.”

“Unbelievable.” It’s hard to ignore that undertone of jealousy in Lup’s voice.

Still, Merle tries to keep it light. He grins at her. “Welcome to my world.”

“He didn’t eat the chocolate bar, if that makes you feel any better.” Magnus offers. “But I also brought some more bribes if we need them.”

Lup frowns, pausing to stroke her knuckle over Taako’s cheek. She looks almost relieved when Taako shifts into the touch.

“Sorry he just jumped on you.” Lup says. “You must be exhausted after your trip.”

“That’s okay!” Magnus chirps. “I don’t mind staying like this until dinner!”

It’s probably only because he’s looking for it, but it’s hard to ignore the way Lup bristles at that comment. She disappears into the kitchen to start up dinner, and that’s the most Merle sees of her for a while.

Magnus and Merle sit in the living room, and after turning off the Barbie movies, catch up on how things have been. Merle admittedly doesn’t use his Stone of Farspeech enough, but that’s mainly because the thing is so damn complicated. Not that that’s a good enough excuse for Magnus.

Taako snoozes the entire time, not reacting to a single sound around him. Merle doesn’t blame him. Magnus’s arms has to be just about the safest place a person can be, especially when he’s in the same house as two necromancers with questionable morality.

It feels like no time at all before dinner is ready, and before either of them can stop him, Barry nudges Taako’s shoulder. “TK, bud. It’s dinner time.”

Taako blinks awake, looking rather miffed about being pulled from sleep. Especially when both of them know he won’t be eating anyway.

“You wanna sit in your own chair so Maggie can eat?” Barry asks, but Taako just whines and tightens his hold around Magnus’s neck. Barry chuckles. “Sorry, Magnus. I did everything I could.”

Magnus grins. “That’s okay! We’re making up for lost time, huh?” He pinches Taako’s cheek, an action reserved specifically for teasing, but Taako just grins and nuzzles up against his shoulder.

Magnus’s good luck doesn’t stop there. He almost, _almost_ gets Taako to eat something during dinner. Taako absolutely refuses to get off Magnus’s lap, leaving Magnus to struggle eating over and around him. It probably would’ve worked if Taako weren’t so little that he’s feeling shy, because when Magnus teasingly offers him a forkful of lasagna, he just giggles and turns his head away.

Lup tries to push their luck at dessert, which turns into a group effort of everyone trying to cajole Taako into a cookie or two. In retrospect, probably not the best idea, seeing as it immediately made Taako suspicious to see everyone offering him sweets.

Taako puts up with it for a while, but there’s only so much he can take before he decides he’s done. With a whimper, he tugs at Merle’s sleeve.

“What is it, buddy?”

“Can go to bed now?” Taako asks.

“You _want_ to go to bed?” Merle repeats. And here he thought he’d seen enough miracles for today.

“Gots Maggie ’n Em now.” Taako explains simply, which sets off a fresh round of cooing and fussing.

It’s sweet, but it also confirms one of Merle’s working hypotheses. He’d been planning to mention it to Lup, before she utterly shut down on him, but he’s pretty sure Taako had been holding off on sleeping until Magnus came back. Considering what happened in Wonderland, having both him and Merle around is probably an anchor for him, reminding him where he is in a way that Lup and Barry can’t.

Magnus and Taako leave to get ready for bed, but Merle lingers. It’s the least he can do to tidy up the Barbie movies; he’s sure Lup doesn’t want to look at them right now.

Before he leaves, he dares a peek into the kitchen. She looks like the picture of misery. Barry has a hold of her hand, but he isn’t faring too well either. Rejection like that, even if it isn’t explicit, has to sting. He wishes he could do more, but he’s done everything he can.

Merle laid her options out for her.

Now it’s up to her to take that first step.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A definitive chapter count? We're in the endgame now, boys.

Kravitz arrives at the cottage at approximately six in the morning.

It’s strange to find that the entire cottage is quiet. Usually Barry should be up by this point. Not to mention that based on what the Raven Queen has told him, Taako’s been staying up through the night.

If he’s being honest, he doesn’t _exactly_ need to pick up more necessities for the next leg of this bounty, but he can’t help being worried. Even if it’s just for a few moments, he does want to check in on Taako.

Still, he hadn’t expected the cottage to be so deathly quiet. It’s kind of worrying.

The living room is empty, the television off. Taako has a few of his toys strewn about, but for the most part, everything’s put away neatly. Kravitz hums in thought, wondering if Barry’s been doing his stress tidying.

He creeps into their bedroom to find Merle and Magnus on either side of Taako, sleeping soundly.

Immediately a smile comes to his face. It’s always a welcome relief to see Taako so at peace, even if he wishes he could be there too. He has to do a double take, not believing his eyes when he sees Taako’s pacifier in the dim light. He’s personally never seen Taako with the pacifier, only knowing about it from the times Taako has casually mentioned it.

He gathers a fresh set of clothes and stuffs them in his overnight bag. Unfortunately for him, that slight sound alone is enough to get little ears twitching.

Kravitz goes still, not daring to move. From the way Taako blinks awake, he’s obviously more asleep than he is awake, so maybe he’ll drift back off if Kravitz doesn’t make any more noise.

But no, the little bugger still has the uncanny ability to sense whatever Kravitz wants him to do so he can do the exact opposite. He lifts his head, his hair incredibly mussed, and glances around. His eyes slowly lock onto Kravitz, and once they do, it’s all over.

“Rav’li.” Taako coos. Grinning behind his paci, he stretches out his arm and makes grabby hands.

_My word, he’s a tiny thing right now._ Kravitz would be lying if he said his heart didn’t melt then and there. “Hello, darling.” He keeps his voice as a whisper. “Go back to sleep, alright?” He cups his hands, breathing into them to warm them up before looping his fingers through Taako’s.

“Nuh-uh. Rav’li.” Taako insists.

It takes Kravitz a minute, but he thinks he understands. He’s never seen Taako so little that he struggles with basic sentences before. He rubs his thumb over Taako’s and shushes him. “I’m sorry, love, but I really must go.”

“ _Nu_.” Taako whines. He’s getting himself properly worked up. Whatever baby Taako’s version of a tantrum is, they’re rapidly approaching it.

Kravitz shushes him again, trying to stamp the rising panic out of his tone. “Shh, love. It’s early, you must be quiet. We wouldn’t want to wake up Magnus and Merle, would we?”

“That ship sailed a while ago.” Merle grunts. “Just hug the kid already.”

Magnus nods. “Sorry, Krav, but you’re not good at whispering. Hug the kid.”

Kravitz sighs. “Thanks for the backup, gents.”

Magnus carefully untangles himself from between Kravitz and Taako, which is impressive considering that Taako had his arms wrapped around Magnus’s neck beforehand.

“Can’t help but think you were in on this.” Kravitz says.

“Less conspiracy, more opportunity. I have to go pee.” Magnus says, quickly excusing himself.

“And I have to be somewhere that’s not here.” Merle says, following after him.

Then it’s just Kravitz and Taako.

Taako looks up at him expectantly, solidifying that he really has no choice but to come in for a cuddle.

“Very well. You get your way.” He takes Magnus’s spot, gently guiding Taako’s head against his shoulder.

Taako giggles, looking very much proud of himself as he nuzzles into Kravitz’s shoulder.

“Manipulative little thing, aren’t you?” Kravitz teases, tweaking his nose.

Taako giggles again, hiding his face behind his sleeve. He really is too little for words right now.

“I suppose it’s for the best anyway. I have an important message for you, moppet.” Kravitz says. “Would you like to hear it? It’s from the Raven Queen.”

“Rae?” Taako’s still half-asleep, meaning he’s that brand of teeny tiny where he needs to parrot back everything he’s told to help process it.

“That’s right.” Kravitz pulls the rolled parchment out of his satchel.

Taako hums, his eyes falling shut. “Miss Rae.”

“Now, now, you can fall back asleep in a moment, dove. The Raven Queen would have my head if she heard you were awake when I visited and I didn’t deliver this message.”

Taako sits up a little at that. It must be hard, considering how warm and cozy the bed is. The air is still rife with the morning chill, even in the house.

Kravitz clears his throat and reads, “By declaration of the Raven Queen, Goddess of Death and Overseer of the Astral Plane, in the 135th Cycle of Harvest Season, this message is addressed to Taako C. Taaco, Savior of the Multiverse and former Starblaster crew member: Hello, darling! I take it you liked the birdies Mama sent? Perhaps I can teach them a few games for the next time you visit me. Respectfully, Mama Rae.” He rolls up the parchment and sticks it back into his bag. “She also asked me to give you this.” Much to Taako’s delight, he reaches out and boops Taako’s nose.

“Rav’li stay.” Taako murmurs. He hooks one arm around Kravitz’s neck, as if he could anchor Kravitz in place by sheer force.

Kravitz coos, and he can’t resist returning the hug, albeit apologetically. “Oh, darling, I wish I could. But I have to get back to work soon. I want nothing more than to spend time with my favorite little one, but I’m afraid the inevitability of death is immune to the puppy eyes.”

Taako’s face twists in a pout, but not his usual pout. It’s less about getting his way and more about just not understanding what’s being asked of him. Kravitz is about to ask what’s going on in that head of his when his eyes spill over with tears.

“Oh, sweet pea, please don’t cry.” Kravitz wastes no time scooping Taako into another hug, and Taako clings as hard as he can manage. “I’ll find a way to visit, I promise. I’m in the middle of a very important bounty right now.”

He pulls back, just enough to see that Taako is barely understanding what he’s saying. He supposes his words were far too big for such a little boy.

He tries to keep it simple. “I’m so sorry, darling. I’ll be back soon.”

“Soon?” Taako repeats.

“As soon as I can be.” Kravitz promises.

While that placates Taako, it’s clearly not enough. “Miss you lots ’n lots.”

“I miss you too, moppet.” He detaches Taako’s hands from his robes, dropping a kiss on every knuckle.

“Stay?” It’s a last-ditch attempt, and despite its simplicity, it almost works. Honestly, how could anyone expect him to say no to that face?

Kravitz smiles, running his hand down Taako’s cheek. “Sweet boy. Darling boy. Be good for everyone.” He tries to pull away, only to find Taako has his wrists in a vice grip.

“Go back as’eep?” Taako asks. His voice sounds innocent enough, but it still carries the underlying threat that he _will_ cry if Kravitz tries to leave again.

“I can stay with you until you fall back asleep.” Kravitz offers. Anything, _anything_ to keep the waterworks at bay. “Would you like that?”

The way Taako grins, innocent and cherubic, gives him the sense he’s lost somehow.

He realizes what Taako is scheming a little too late, since he’s already pinned under Taako’s weight. Taako is quite insistent on keeping him here, but he still has his job to think about.

So he bides his time, humming a sweet little tune under his breath as Taako goes heavy against him. Taako’s always had the uncanny ability to fall asleep the second he closes he eyes, though that ability has waned in the past year for obvious reasons. Still, it’s only a matter of minutes before Taako is fast asleep once more and Kravitz is able to slide out from underneath him.

Kravitz cups his hand around the back of Taako’s head, gently lowering him back against the pillows before making his quiet yet hasty escape.

Everyone is gathered in the kitchen, still in their pajamas. Barry and Lup are making breakfast, chocolate chip pancakes from the look of it. Taako’s favorite.

“How was the squirt?” Lup asks.

“I made him cry.” Kravitz says, which he still doesn’t quite believe. “Lup, he is _little_. Have you seen how little he is?”

A spark of irritation flashes across her face, too brief for Kravitz to be sure he wasn’t imagining it. “I have,” she replies. Her voice is even, but she doesn’t say anything other than that.

“He wasn’t even using full sentences, just parroting my words back at me.” Kravitz continues. He looks to Magnus and Merle. “Has he been like this the entire time?”

“His headspace has been all over the place.” Barry answers. He slides a fresh cup of coffee across the table in Kravitz’s direction. “I’m not surprised he went super little. He hasn’t slept that well in a while.”

“Oh. Poor dear.” Kravitz knows how Taako likes his sleep, and the Raven Queen did mention he’s been having nightmares.

“Let’s just hope the dynamic duo over here can get him to eat.” Lup jokes. No, Kravitz wasn’t imagining it. There’s a definite tone of irritation in her voice.

“Well, I wish you all the best of luck. I hope to return soon, even if it only is for a few hours. He really is a precious little thing right now.”

Merle snickers. “Might wanna get a move on.”

Kravitz furrows his brow at Merle, only to catch the sound of little footsteps a second too late.

Thankfully, Barry intercepts Taako before he can attach himself to Kravitz’s robes again. “Hey, TK. Sleep well?”

Taako rubs at his eye, looking blearily up at Barry. “S’eep?” he echoes.

Barry grins. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He plucks Taako up and carries him over so they can watch Lup make breakfast.

“Should’ve warned you he wouldn’t stay down long.” Merle says.

“At least he’s in a better mood.” Magnus says. Lup nearly jumps out of her skin when Taako tugs on her hair and makes grabby hands for her. “Now we just gotta get him to eat.”

“Has he not been eating?” Kravitz asks. “More importantly, why is this the first I’m hearing of this?”

Magnus shrugs. “Don’t look at me; I just got here.”

Still, that was odd information for the Raven Queen to leave out…

“We’ve been doing everything we can think of.” Barry adds as he puts a huge plate of pancakes on the table. Apparently their attempts to keep their voices low weren’t all that successful, but at least Taako hadn’t started listening in.

Kravitz hesitates before answering. There’s a pit opening up in his stomach, gnawing at him, demanding to know why he didn’t check up on things sooner. “How long has it been?”

Barry grimaces. “We’re coming up on five days, I think.”

If anything, that only strengthens Kravitz’s resolve. Yes, sometimes Taako does have… off days, but never five days in a row. “Let me try with him.” He glances back at Lup, who couldn’t be happier juggling a sleepy baby and burning pancakes. “In a bit, of course.”

Barry smiles, mouthing a silent “thank you.” He doesn’t need to say any more than that. Lup’s behavior earlier, those anxious late-night conversations with Taako, it all confirms the twins aren’t as close as they used to be. They need this time now more than ever.

The last thing Kravitz has ever wanted to do was get between them, especially after so much time apart. Besides, he’s sure that whatever tactic he tries has already been used at least once.

Taako stays stuck to her hip through the entire cooking process, so of course Lup proudly announces how much he helped. And while he preens under the praise, she makes sure to set him in his own chair for the meal.

The pancakes are obviously bait for Taako. The others all have something else—bacon and eggs for Magnus, coffee and toast for Lup and Barry—so the pancakes sit virtually untouched.

Kravitz decides now is as good a time as any to set his plan into motion.

“Come here, love.” Kravitz opens his arms, and Taako’s more than eager to climb into his lap. “Would you like to eat something for me?”

“Mm.” Taako considers it for a moment. “No.”

“What if we shared?”

Doubt flashes across Taako’s face, so Kravitz does something he doesn’t often do and breaks out the puppy eyes. He’s learned over the years that he is the one definitive person that Taako can’t say no to. It’s a power he uses sparingly, so it works like a charm every time.

“Please? It’s your favorite, isn’t it? It’d be special to me if we had it together.”

Those are the magic words. Taako glares up at him, well aware he’s being manipulated, but relents and nods under the puppy dog eyes.

“Thank you, darling.” Kravitz can practically feel everyone holding their collective breath as he cuts up a piece of pancake and holds the fork to Taako’s lips.

If he’s being honest, Kravitz feels just about as nervous. It’s not out of the question for Taako to take off running if he doesn’t want to eat. But he’s hoping the combination of Taako’s smallness and tiredness, alongside how much he missed Kravitz, will seal the deal.

Thankfully, miraculously, he takes a bite, a feat so major that everyone around them bursts into cheers.

Taako jolts at the sudden noise, the last traces of sleepiness being startled out of him in one fell swoop. He looks around, wide-eyed, like he can’t believe they could be this happy for him.

“Good job, darling.” Kravitz praises. “That was a big step. Do you want any more?”

After a moment of thought, Taako nods, which triggers another round of enthusiastic—but quieter—cheering from around the table.

They manage to get through a whole pancake before Taako calls it quits. Kravitz won’t push it any further than that. After all, he doesn’t want Taako to get sick, especially when his relationship with food is so tenuous.

Lup especially is over the moon with happiness. She gladly takes a couple pancakes for herself, and Kravitz can’t help wondering how she’s been eating. It’s a habit he’s not even sure the twins are conscious of doing, but if one of them is hurting in some way, the other will feel sympathy pangs, self-inflicted or otherwise.

Taako leans against Kravitz’s shoulder, his eyes growing heavy. Apparently the earlier excitement has already worn off.

Kravitz brushes the bangs out of his eyes. A part of him wishes time could stop, that he and Taako could stay in this moment unbothered for a few more hours. The other, more rational part of him is well aware his reaper duties are waiting for him.

As if it can detect he’s thinking about work again, his Stone of Farspeech buzzes insistently in his pocket. A bad sign, considering the Raven Queen barely knows how to work hers and will only call him when her patience is running thin.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, dove.” Kravitz moves Taako onto Barry’s lap. Not a great idea, considering Barry has a mug of coffee in his hands and the sudden movement has him almost spilling it, but Kravitz has never been great about acting under pressure. “But I really must go.”

Taako looks between them both helplessly, his lower lip jutted out in the saddest pout he’s capable of. “Gone?”

Kravitz winces, the guilt overwhelming as he says, “I’m afraid so. I have to go back to work.”

Taako pouts, puffing out his cheeks to show just how upset he is, and disappears into the living room. As he approaches the windowsill, the ravens caw a gentle greeting. One even nuzzles into his hand when he offers it. Whatever he’s saying to them is in too low of a tone to properly hear, but once he pulls away, two of them fly off.

That’s a… new behavior. Kravitz didn’t even know Taako _liked_ the ravens, let alone had made friends with them. Kravitz waits a moment, trying to put together exact what Taako is trying to accomplish, but when they meet eyes, Taako sticks his tongue out at him.

“There goes my time being the favorite, I suppose.” Kravitz rises from the table, ignoring the buzzing of his Stone of Farspeech. “I should leave before he changes his mind.”

“Wait, hold on.” Lup checks over her shoulder, making sure Taako is preoccupied first. “I mean, we can go speak on your behalf, but he _needs_ to eat.”

Kravitz laughs, but it’s more from nerves than anything. Just the _idea_ of talking back to the Raven Queen terrifies him. “If you think you can convince her to let her only reaper off work, go ahead and be my guest.”

He should’ve known better than to work it that way, the way Lup takes as a challenge. “Fuck, I’ll pick up your shifts if I have to. It’s not like I’m any use around here. Let’s go get our coats, Bear.” Lup says.

But before she and Barry can even get out of their seats, a raven swoops in, holding a large piece of rolled parchment in its beak. On the ribbon, written in a loopy cursive scrawl, is Kravitz’s name.

Kravitz carefully pulls at the ribbon, undoing the bow in a single tug, and unrolls the parchment. Aware of the curious eyes on him, he answers the unasked question.

“It’s a message.” Kravitz blinks, barely believing what he’s reading. “From the Raven Queen. Officially relieving me of reaper duties until further notice.”

“Wait, so who’s doing reaper shit?” Lup asks, trying to read the tiny text over his shoulder.

Kravitz shrugs, rolling the parchment shut. “I assume the Raven Queen is handling it herself.” He glances back into the living room, where Taako is pointedly not paying him any mind.

Magnus must’ve gone to check on him, because they’re on the couch watching one of the Barbie movies he likes. The remaining raven is sitting on the arm of the couch, as if it’s watching the movie too, and suddenly things make a lot more sense.

“Looks like I’m staying.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter already? I TOLD you we were in the endgame, boys!
> 
> Also I think this is the first time I've used 3rd person omniscient for the entire series alskdfjasdlkf

For Taako’s sake, they’ve moved out of his room in favor of a large sleepover in the living room.

As big as his and Kravitz’s bed may be, it’s not enough to accommodate four full grown men, and Taako doesn’t want to be away from any of them.

He spent most of the evening rotating between cuddle buddies, if only so no one could make any more jokes about being shafted as the favorite. That, and maybe he just wanted a lot of cuddles. Who could say?

He’s nestled between Kravitz and Magnus when it happens, so poor Magnus ends up getting jolted awake with a kick to the face.

Taako doesn’t scream right away. It’s not in his nature, especially not now. The most noise he makes is a muffled gasp as he snaps awake, his mind stuck between his dreams and reality.

And after that, after he’s gained control of his body but not his spatial awareness, when he can tell there are hands holding him down but not who they belong to— _now_ he screams—when the room he wakes up to is so unfamiliar that _enough_ of the features can bleed out into Wonderland, he runs.

The hands and arms holding him quickly relent, giving him the freedom of motion he needs to scramble to his feet and take off running.

Taako doesn’t think, just takes the first door he spots and hides under the closest table. Instinct guides him, telling him not to close the door behind him, for fear of making more noise, and to blend in with the junk so he doesn’t stand out.

Turns out he ended up just where he needed to be.

Upstairs, the adults have fallen into chaos. Barry and Lup materialized instantly upon hearing that first scream, and seeing the living room was short one Taako, promptly freaked out.

“Oh my gods, oh my gods.” Lup paces one way across the room, then the other. Her hands won’t stop shaking. “How could we _lose him_ , oh my gods. Where did he go?”

“I don’t know, he took off before my eyes were even open!” Kravitz says. “He screamed, so I let go of his hand, and the next thing I knew, he’d disappeared!”

“Stay calm.” Barry says, even though his voice is shaking more than Lup’s hands. “We’ll just spread out and search the area. He couldn’t have gotten that far.”

“I’ll ask the ravens to help.” Kravitz offers, sounding more than panicked himself. “They should be able to sweep the area.”

“Merle and I can search the house.” Magnus says.

“Oh my gods, oh my gods.” Lup is still muttering. She’s stopped pacing, only because Barry’s hands are on her shoulders, physically holding her in place. “It’s just like that first night. He’s probably so _scared_ , Barry!”

“I know.” Despite Barry’s attempts to keep a level head, Lup is easily sweeping him up in her anxiety. “Let’s just get moving before he can get too far, okay? The sooner we start, the less distance we’ll have to cover.”

The group connects their Stones of Farspeech and starts a group call before heading off to their respective search areas, all the while frantically calling for Taako.

From the windowsill, a single raven remains. It has no interest in scouting the area, so it watches them leave. Only after the coast is clear does the raven take off from its perch, taking the slightly ajar door down to the basement.

* * *

Taako can’t breathe.

He’s trying. Gods, he’s trying so hard to get in a breath, but his chest is still heavy and he feels like he’s drowning and all he can do is gasp and gasp and gasp but _be quiet you don’t want them to find you._

He needs these memories _gone_. Everything about Wonderland needs to be out of his head, effective immediately, because if Merle can’t help, if Magnus can’t help, if _Kravitz_ can’t help, then there really is no hope for him at all.

If he forgets, things can go back to normal. He can stop jerking awake in the middle of the night, convinced a phantom lich is hanging over him. He can let Magnus and Merle leave the room at once without feeling like he’s about to pass out.

For the most part, Taako hadn’t thought he’d need to set his plan into motion. Anytime things got particularly bad, he’d still have the comfort of someone else nearby, and even if that wasn’t enough, it ensured he wouldn’t be able to sneak off.

But he can’t take it anymore. He needs the memories gone _now_.

He’ll take anything. The darkest of magic, whatever damns his soul the quickest, at whatever price. He just wants to be able to sleep through a night without randomly jolting awake, to hug his sister without feeling like the illusion might shatter at any moment.

The worst part is that it feels like he’s undoing everyone’s progress. Kravitz goes out of his way to make sure Taako eats and he still feels nauseous with every bite. Merle and Magnus make sure he feels safe enough to sleep and he still can’t get a full night’s sleep. So if not for him, then for everyone else that got saddled with a pet project they never signed up for.

A raven settles on the table in front of him, cocking its head at him curiously.

Feebly, he holds a finger to his lips, asking it to be quiet. He can hear the pounding of feet overhead—he knows they’re looking for him.

All he needs is a few more minutes. He hasn’t been unsupervised for much longer than a few minutes since he dropped, but he knows exactly what he’s looking for. That spell Barry mentioned, the one about pulling memories right out of animals heads. It sounds like if he messes with it enough, he could pull out the right memories and just… not put them back. And if he can’t find that, well, he’ll just use whatever he has to before someone finds him.

He has one of Barry’s off-limit books, something about full mind-control and its magical applications, as well as the notes he has crammed inside of it. Lup always gives him shit for it, saying it’ll mess with the binding, but it’s a habit Barry can never break.

Taako spreads out the notes in front of him, scanning for the important information. There’s got to be something here. Sure, it’s a work in progress, but there has to be enough that Taako can play it by ear. There _has_ to be. He doesn’t know what will happen to him if there isn’t.

The air changes, and someone is hanging over his shoulder. Fear, chilling and paralyzing, washes over him. Like he’s been caught fiddling with the lock to Lydia and Edward’s trophy room.

“I hope I am not intruding,” a familiar, low voice says.

Mama Rae. Not Lydia. Mama Rae.

Part of him wants to make a joke, but words are far out of his capability at the moment. So he turns, silently begging her to not to summon her reapers.

It’s kind of funny to see the Raven Queen, the picture of fear and elegance, in an oversized print tee with the words “you gotta be kitten me” across the chest. He didn’t think gods had to sleep, but then again, maybe she’s trying to make him feel at ease. After all, there isn’t a single long raven hair out of place on her head.

He knows he looks a wreck, because the _Raven Queen_ , goddess of the Astral Plane, crumbles at the sight of his face. Her expression, normally cool and neutral, melts into warm sympathy.

“It’s like a Voidfish.” Taako explains, not bothering to wipe at his face. He hasn’t stopped crying since he woke up, but he’s been forcing himself to be quiet. “But backwards.”

If she doesn’t understand what that means, she doesn’t show it. Instead she crouches, her tall, stately figure towering over him even then. “Memories are important, my dearest. You should know better than anyone that they make us who we are.”

“Wonderland only made me broke.” Taako whimpers. Not to mention that he _hates_ who it made him. A coward, a baby, who’s mean to his Sissy and can’t take care of himself.

The Raven Queen hums her sympathies, running her fingers through his hair. Her touch is ghostly, shifting between ethereal and physical in those few seconds. Her solid form pulses, in a way, but not like Edward and Lydia’s did. It’s more like she’s moving between planes rather than forcing her way back onto the physical one. “You are not broken, my little one. You have simply lost perspective.”

“Broke,” he insists. He’s not stupid; he hears how everyone’s been whispering about him when they think he’s not paying attention, how they shuffle into adjacent rooms to whisper about things that only make Sissy more upset. They’re running strategy, trying to figure out the best way to make sure Taako doesn’t starve himself to death.

“I disagree, but I doubt you’re in the mood for a spirited debate on the subject.” The Raven Queen wraps her arms around his shoulders. Her body is cold, like Kravitz’s, but the coolness of her chest against his forehead is somewhat a relief.

“I can’t live like this anymore.” Taako whispers.

The Raven Queen clucks her tongue sympathetically. Taako feels the ancient tome being lifted out of his lap, but he can’t draw up the will to fight for it. “I know, little one. My ravens have told me all about the hardship you’re facing.”

Maybe it’s stupid, but Taako never imagined the watchdog ravens were being used to keep an eye on _him_. He thought they’d be too busy looking for real threats, like lasers and bombs and shit. That explains why they were always so happy to play with him. They were freakin’ baby monitors with wings.

She takes his wrist, gently uncurling his fist finger by finger. “Wonderland has left deep scars.” She rubs her thumb over his palm, smoothing out the obvious tension in his hands. “But scars take a remarkably long time to heal, do they not?”

Taako nods. It wouldn’t matter so much if he could just remotely get over it. Anything that would make him something other than… barely functioning.

“It’s hard not to feel impatient,” the Raven Queen continues, “waiting for the instinctual, survivalist part of your mind to catch up with the rational half. Odd, isn’t it, that the reward for surviving is only more hardship? What kept you together in Wonderland now tears you apart.”

Fresh tears well up in his eyes, and Taako nods.

The Raven Queen shushes him. She holds his open palm against hers, locking their fingers together. He hadn’t realized how sweaty his palms were until now. “I know, darling. I know. It must be so difficult for you right now.”

The reassurance that he’s having a hard time, as opposed to insistence that it can be fixed, makes him melt into her all over again.

Because he _is_ having a hard time. It _is_ difficult. And he just wishes people would see that! And also maybe give him more nice headpats like Mama Rae does.

“Taako, may I ask a question?”

Taako peeks up from the fabric of her shirt.

“I only know what I can see. I know that you’ve been eating far too little, sleeping far too little. And I’ve seen your distance with your sister.” She pauses to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear, topping the action off with another headpat. “But I do not know why.”

“Yeah, sure.” If Taako can’t say no to Kravitz, Mama Raven comes in as a close runner-up.

She asks things people wouldn’t normally ask, but he supposes being a god would do that to a person. But she asks to understand, to learn, and she’s not afraid of asking goofy questions. There are rare instances where she’ll even laugh at herself, if she’s in the right mood.

“In Wonderland…” Taako swallows, trying to keep his breath steady. In the back of his mind, he realizes that this is the first time he’ll be saying any of this out loud. “In Wonderland I tried not to sleep, because I was scared. They liked to hang over me to—I dunno—be scary or some shit? It worked.”

The Raven Queen nods. She’s never minded that Taako swore, even while regressed. “I see.”

“I don’t really wanna talk about the food. It’s not a Wonderland thing, it’s just a… me thing, I guess. If that makes sense.”

Something unreadable passes over her face, but she lets it go easily enough. It’s like Taako can see her piecing everything together. She’s smart like that. Taako doesn’t think she gets enough credit, just because she doesn’t understand people or modern stuff, so people think she’s not as smart.

“I understand completely. Is the matter of your sister a similar subject?”

Taako shakes his head. “They… they remind me of Edward and Lydia. In Wonderland.”

The hand in his hair pauses for a moment. “Yes, I know their names. While they were on my records for quite some time, I never scheduled a retrieval mission for their souls. I know what they were capable of.” Another pause, this one longer, sadder. Taako doesn’t dare ask. “Is it because your sister is also a lich that you connect them?”

Taako grimaces. It sounds so stupid out loud. His kidnappers were liches, so now he can’t even look his sister in the eye without having a panic attack. Awesome, stellar, completely rational. Totally someone that everyone should keep going the extra mile to take care of. “It’s just… hard for my brain to tell the difference sometimes.”

The Raven Queen stares at him for a long while, to the point where he gets whiny about it. “But surely your heart knows the difference?” She sounds shocked.

“My heart’s too busy beating out of my chest to say anything at that point.” It’s half a joke, but it’s lost on the Raven Queen.

She sits up, as if suddenly remembering something. “Where are my reapers?”

“Huh?”

“We’ve been here for an awfully long time. Surely one of them should’ve checked here by now.” Her eyes cut back to him, a frown sharpening her features. “And to think they just let you run away…”

“Hey, I mean, they didn’t _let me_. I kinda do what I want? It’s my schtick.”

That’s the opposite of what the Raven Queen would want to hear, Taako realizes a bit too late. She raises a hand, and the scattered books and papers quickly arrange themselves in a neat pile on the table.

“Come with me.” The Raven Queen bends over, plucking him up with minimal effort.

Magic billows around them, the feel of it dusty and ancient and ridiculously powerful.

“Hey, now hold on a second!” Taako cries. He wraps his arms around her neck, if only for the childish fear of falling, as the magic grows stronger.

It’s everywhere. It’s _moving_. It’s too much like Wonderland. It’s—

The world goes dark.


	11. Chapter 11

“Welcome to my domain.”

The Raven Queen sets him gently on the floor, pausing to stroke his hair.

Taako’s pretty sure this _isn’t_ her domain, at least not like he remembers it. There’s no throne of bones and raven feathers—in fact, there isn’t _anything_. Just the unending dark.

Part of Taako wants to see how far it goes, to run until his legs give out, but he’s seen this trick before. They could be in a broom closet for all he knows.

The Raven Queen gazes down her nose at him, her hands clasped serenely at her chest.

“There is nothing,” she explains, answering his unspoken questions. “There is you, and there is me, and there is nothing else here. Nothing but what I permit. Do you understand?”

He nods, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t terrified. “I wanna go home.”

“Home is unsafe, is it not? Do you not feel scared there?”

“Yeah, but…” Taako trails off, unsure how to complete that thought.

“Then this is ideal.” The Raven Queen decides. She kneels, bringing her eyes level with Taako. “You will be safe here.”

Taako whines in discomfort, holding his arms out for a hug. The Raven Queen is more than happy to scoop him up into a hug, but it does nothing to dispel his building unease.

Just because it’s safe here doesn’t mean he likes it. He’s gotten rather used to having a house full of people, thank you very much, and the lack of people here is unbelievably noticeable.

“You wouldn’t be torn up about inviting one of your reapers here, right?” Taako asks. He’s wavering between little and big, the newness of the situation trying to force him out of headspace and simultaneously keep him firmly little.

“Of course not, dear.” She pulls back to give him a smile. There’s a plan glittering in those onyx eyes. “Let’s summon your sister, shall we?”

“Wait—” But again his protests go unheard.

Lup materializes out of the darkness, but as she approaches, her corporeal form fades, leaving her as a lich.

Taako flinches back, but the Raven Queen holds him in place.

“Look at her, Taako,” she says. “Take in her features, the feel of her magic. The form of a lich cannot be modified or forged, and no two look the same. Tell me, do you see your sister, or do you see Lydia?”

“I…” Taako swallows, trying to speak around the lump in his throat. “I don’t…”

“You do.”

Lup swings her head around, as if trying to determine the source of the sound. Can she not see them?

“Can’t you sense that?” the Raven Queen presses. “Her aura is distinct, but not entirely dissimilar from your own, is it not?”

Taako nods. Their auntie was always deep into the spiritual side of things, and she said similar stuff all the time. All about sensing auras and being in tune with the universe and treating magic like a welcome guest. To this day, Taako still thinks it’s mad weird, but now that he has better control of his magic, he can see where she’s coming from.

The feel of Lup’s magic is different—warm, like a bonfire. It has the capacity to burn bright and burn fierce, but for the most part, it’s warm, stable, and constant.

The second he tunes into it, really tunes into it, his mind is flooded with images of their childhood. Curled up around a bonfire on the road. Whispering stories to one another under the covers after their auntie told them to go to sleep. Lying draped over one another in a desperate bid to keep warm during the winter months when their dorm was being renovated.

It feels like home and family and it’s so, so safe. How could he have ever forgotten that feeling?

It’s not how Wonderland felt. Wonderland’s magic didn’t have a temperature; it didn’t interact with the living in the same way. When it touched you, it was probing you, looking for a weakness to exploit. Nothing felt safe under Lydia and Edward’s magic. Their reach was too vast, too powerful to be ignored. But Lup’s hung back. Waiting. Asking to be invited in.

“That’s my Sissy.” Taako whispers. He doesn’t know why he’s shaking, or why tears are coming to his eyes. All that he knows is that there’s suddenly an ache in his chest like he’s never known before, and all he wants is his Sissy to come hug him and make it better.

The Raven Queen smiles. “Shall we invite her in?” She sets him on his feet and snaps her fingers, and Lup immediately zeroes in on them.

“Koko!” Her terror melts into relief, and she’s sprinting.

Taako wants to meet her in the middle, but his legs aren’t working anymore. The most he can do is open his arms as Lup crashes into him, wrapping him in the tightest hug she can manage. Taako hugs her back, as hard as he can.

Up close, her magical aura flares stronger than ever. Warm, like a fireplace when you’re sitting right in front of it.

He’s known that warmth for years. Even in Wonderland, she was there to try and keep him safe. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard to separate the two.

Because she’s always been here for him.

Lup is shaking against his hold. She’s crying too, he realizes.

“Sissy, are you little too?”

She gives a shaky laugh. “Yeah, goofus, ’cuz I just spent the last half an hour running around in the woods. I thought you died!” She shoves at his shoulders, but there’s little force behind it.

Taako’s ear twitch in shame, falling like they’re trying to hide under his bedhead. “Sorry my head’s broke.”

Lup gasps. She grabs his hands, not wanting to give up personal contact. “You’re not broke, Koko! Don’t talk like that! You’re just different!”

“Different’s _bad_ ,” Taako protests. “Different means not eating and not sleeping and freaking out in the middle of the night and not hugging your Sissy enough. It’s _bad_.”

“Nuh-uh! You’re different in other ways, too! You’re littler and quieter and you have a paci. That’s _way_ different from the Koko I know, but that doesn’t mean it’s bad.” Lup bites her lip, a clear sign she has something she’s been too worried to say earlier. “And just because we aren’t all that alike anymore doesn’t mean that I won’t learn how to help!”

“Because we’re not…” Taako trails off, things finally clicking into place. “Sissy… is that why you’ve been staying away?”

Lup’s eyes widen, like she thought she’d never been found out. Taako still doesn’t know why. She’s the worst secret keeper ever!

Her ears dip too, but they don’t have any bedhead to hide behind. “You just liked everyone else better…” She mumbles. The tremble is coming back into her voice, like she’s about to start crying again. “And ’cuz there was nothing I could do to help no matter how hard I tried.”

“I was just worried you didn’t wanna play with me anymore, ’cuz I’m so little.” Taako admits. He knows it’s new for her and Blue, and maybe he was inching toward people that were used to him being so little without realizing it.

“ _What?_ Nuh-uh! I don’t care how little you are, stupid!” Good to know she still likes calling him “stupid.” She throws her arms around his neck, balancing it out with physical affection.

“I’m not like this all the time.” Taako rushes to say. “Usually I’m bigger. It’s just hard when my brain is stuck in survival mode.”

Lup tightens her hold around his neck. “I know, Koko. It’s okay.”

“I missed you.” Taako blurts out. He knows it’s stupid, because they’ve been seeing each other almost every day for a year and a half, but it feels different now that everything’s out in the open.

But she doesn’t laugh or correct him. Instead she just holds him a little tighter. “I missed you too.”

“I’m sorry I made you sad.”

“It’s okay.” Lup pauses. She’s holding her breath, her chest still against his, so she’s building up the courage for something else she’s been too afraid to say. “You’re not scared of me, right? You don’t hate me?”

“ _Never!_ ” If it were possible to hug her tighter without hurting her, he would have, but the space between them is non-existent and his fingers are aching from clinging to her shirt so tight.

“Buh—buh you never wanted to be around me and my lich form scares you and you stopped wanting to spend time with me after everyone else showed up and—and—” She pulls in a shuddering breath, but she doesn’t stop going. “I know the others comfort you because there were there, but I was there, _too!_ I heard everything they did to you! Doesn’t that count?”

Fuck, now he’s crying all over again. “I’m sorry, Sissy. I’m so, so sorry. You were. I know you were. I’ll fix it.”

“And don’t want you to fix it, stupid! I’m the biggest, so I look out for you.”

He can’t argue with that logic. In fact, it’s unbelievably comforting to hear out loud. “Promise?”

“If you’ll let me.” There’s an unspoken request in her words, begging him to let her.

“’Course I will.”

“Even if I remind you of those Wonderland bitches?”

Taako nods. “That was just me being stupid. I don’t know how I could ever think you two were ever the same. The auras are totally different.”

Lup bursts out laughing. “You sound like Auntie! What, are you swearing off dino chicken nuggets next because they have ‘pained auras’?”

“Their auras are _pained_.” Taako says, his voice airy and theatrical, just like their auntie’s. “Can’t you _feel_ them?”

“The _auras_.” Lup mimics back through her giggles. “My children, you _must_ learn the _feel_ of an _aura_.”

A hand falls on his shoulder and he looks up to see Mama Rae smiling down on them. It’s a warmth that’s rare for her, usually the kind of compassion Taako only feels from her aura than sees on her face.

“Come, my little ones,” she says, pausing to stroke Lup’s hair when Lup looks stunned at being included as one of her little ones. “I believe there are some adults quite worried about you.”

She swoops the fabric of her cloak over them, and suddenly they’re back in the cottage, surrounded by frantic, confused caregivers. From the looks on their faces, everyone except maybe Maggie wants to yell, but they can’t because it’s the Raven Queen.

“Told you they were fine.” Merle says.

“Indeed. I would allow no harm to come to the little ones.” The Raven Queen soothes. She kneels putting a calming hand on each of their heads. “As you can see, they are both quite safe.”

Barry’s face softens. He crouches opposite the Raven Queen. “You okay, Lu?” His voice is soft, so Mama Rae’s word choice didn’t go unnoticed.

Lup nods. While one arm stays locked around Taako’s shoulders, she does reach out to take his hand. “Koko and I talked.”

He smiles. The degree of relief that fills his face shows just how much pain the two of them had been keeping under wraps. “That’s good. You want anything?”

“Dino nuggs!” Lup cries. Apparently the joking about it earlier got her mind set on them.

“Nothing like dino nuggs at 2 a.m. to start the day off right,” he jokes, ruffling her hair before heading off to the kitchen.

Taako tugs on her hair, which she makes a face at but still isn’t allowed to complain about. After all, she said she’d take care of things, right? He doesn’t feel big enough to talk anymore.

She knows without being asked what he wants. “Hel- _lo?_ Taako needs his paci?”

“And Bossy Britches Lup makes her triumphant return.” Merle laughs.

“I think it fell underneath the couch somewhere.” Magnus starts his search, and with a slightly thinned crowd, the Raven Queen approaches Merle.

“You were right, Merle,” the Raven Queen says. That edge of fondness is back in her tone, but different somehow. Taako dares a peek from his hiding place in Sissy’s shirt to get a better look. “This was exactly what they needed. I just hope I didn’t go too overboard in the lesson I was trying to teach. There was quite a bit of crying at first.”

Merle gives her a reassuring pat on the hip. “I think these emotions have been building up for a while. Not all tears are bad. It’s good they get to let it all out.”

“Your wisdom with children continues to astound me.”

Merle responds with a set of finger guns. “Nice shirt, by the way.”

“Thank you. A very handsome dwarf got it for me.” She leans down—because of the height difference, she almost has to crouch—and presses her lips to his forehead. “Though I’m hoping the offer still stands that I may visit his estate soon?”

“Just say the word, Claudia.”

It’s at that point that Kravitz either puts it all together or just can’t stand being silent anymore. “Are you two—”

The Raven Queen holds up a hand to stop him. “We’re not ready to go official yet. And you, my reaper, may want to choose your next words carefully if you do not wish to immediately return to the field.”

Kravitz flushes, letting his hands drop to his sides. “Yes, Mama.”

“Krav’s in trouble.” Lup singsongs. Her voice is a tiny whisper, meaning the words are only for Taako. “With _Claudia_.”

Taako giggles, the relief washing through him immeasurable. Since he dropped, everything has felt off-kilter somehow, like the world was pushed a couple inches to the left of where it usually is. It was small, and hard to identify, and only now that things are back in their proper place does he realize things had been out of place to begin with.

He finally has his sister back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On my tumblr someone jokingly mentioned Raven Queen and Merle as the weird grandparent couple and I can't get that out of my brain. I also wholeheartedly believe she just picked a cool modern name that only Merle is allowed to call her by.
> 
> Anyway, one more short tiny fluffy chapter to round this out!


	12. Chapter 12

“They’ve been like this for almost two days straight.”

Taako and Lup are curled up on the couch, a plate of dino nuggs sitting half-eaten and abandoned on the coffee table while they color. Lup has made getting Taako to eat so much easier, and while his appetite isn’t where it should be, it is better than where it was.

Lup looks like she’s in pain with each new Barbie movie, but as the oldest, she isn’t allowed to complain. At least that’s what she keeps saying. To Magnus, that technically sounds like complaining but with more steps, but he’d never call her on it.

Needless to say, it was a welcome reprieve when Taako tugged on her hair—a habit that Lup doesn’t seem to mind for whatever reason—and asked to color instead. Usually they both have their hands wound in one another’s hair, but thankfully drawing keeps their hands busy enough to prevent that kind of mutually assured destruction.

“Are you sure it’s alright for me to see him?” Lucretia asks for the fifth time.

Magnus’s heart aches for her. Poor Lulu. It’s hard to know which hit her worse—when Taako didn’t forgive her or when Lup forgave her right away. From what Davenport has said, she’s stuck in this weird middle ground, desperately wanting to be punished for her actions but too emotionally fragile to handle it.

“Believe me, I asked Taako multiple times.” Magnus replies. “He said yes.”

Lucretia still frowns, looking rather unconvinced. Magnus wonders just how much bartering Davenport had to do to get her to come here with him.

“Why don’t you two just come in?” Magnus offers. “If anything, they can get used to your presence.”

The house is mostly empty right now, so it’s shockingly quiet. Barry and Kravitz left a while ago to get groceries, leaving Magnus and Merle to look after the twins.

The Raven Queen has been in and out, mainly to see the twins and Merle. She even talked the three of them into a picnic, which is amazing considering how reluctant Taako still is to go outside.

Lucretia peers into the living room, trying to get a good look at the twins. But still she stays rooted in place.

Davenport gives her a gentle nudge. “G-go on. It’s—it’s okay.” He slips his hand into hers, giving her a kind smile. “I can g—I’ll go with you.”

“He said you could be here.” Magnus adds. The image of the confident Director and the terrified journal keeper are at odds in her expression, a juxtaposition Magnus never wants to see again. “Remember that.”

Lucretia nods, drawing in a deep breath through her nose. It takes all her courage to approach the twins, crouch to their level, and greet them in turn. “Hello, Lup. Taako.”

“Hi, Lulu—well, new Lulu!” Lup chirps, beaming. She’s still the little chatterbox that Magnus remembers, so the thought of guests, no matter who they were, excited her to no end. “Taako calls me Sissy now! Hi, Davenport!”

“H-hello, children.” Davenport greets. “What are you drawing?”

“A dragon with four wings instead of two!” Lup says. “Her name is Carol and she’s mad that no one liked the fruit salad she brought to the neighborhood potluck!”

Taako doesn’t answer, nor does he take the pacifier out of his mouth. Instead, he watches Lucretia carefully. He isn’t suspicious, nor is he hostile, but he’s making it clear that he refuses to make the first move. That’s up to Lucretia.

Magnus is about to step in, or at least break off Merle’s Farspeech call with the Raven Queen early so he can have backup, but Lucretia doesn’t falter yet.

She smiles and opens her satchel. “That’s very nice! I have something for you, Lup.”

Lup gasps, dropping her sketchbook entirely. “ _My hedgie!_ ”

Lucretia holds out the stuffie in question, allowing Lup to scoop it up. “I thought you might miss her.”

“I did, I did, I did!” Lup giggles, snuggling the stuffed hedgehog to her cheek. “Thank you for keeping her safe!”

“Of course.” Lucretia then turns to Taako. Magnus doesn’t think he’s ever seen the two of them look so uniquely uncomfortable at the same time. “I’m sorry I don’t have something old for you as well, but I do have something new.”

She reaches into her bag and removes a neatly wrapped package.

“Go on, Koko.” Lup urges after a beat of silence. She gives him a little nudge with her elbow, but he doesn’t acknowledge it. “If you don’t take it, I will, and then you’ll be the dork with no new toys.”

That gets him moving, but not too quickly. In fact, he moves like he’s removing the package from the jaws of a predator. He carefully peels back the packaging to find a Genasi swashbuckler Barbie smiling up at him.

“Davenport helped.” Lucretia adds after a moment. “We couldn’t quite decide on which you’d like best.”

There’s a long moment of silence, and Magnus can practically see the gears turning in Taako’s head. It feels like an eternity before he finally takes out his pacifier, sets it on the nearby table, and smiles.

“Thanks, Lulu. Wanna see what I’ve been drawing?”

The tension snaps out of her body all at once, and her relief is palpable. “Absolutely.”

Her eyes nearly bug out of her skull when Taako clambers into her lap so she can have a better view of his sketchbook.

In a way, they look like they always have, with Lucretia coming out of her shell little by little. She compliments different aspects of Taako’s art, which in turn helps him come out of his shell.

Magnus breathes a silent sigh of relief, collapsing beside Davenport and striking up a conversation about sailing.

He thinks Taako can forgive her too.

It’s only a matter of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do you mind if I get sappy here?
> 
> So this was really important to me that I post this final chapter today, because it's actually the one-year anniversary of this series! I won't lie; I went back, read some of my old stuff, cringed a little, and got unbearably sappy over it. This is actually the first fic for this series that's longer than Proficiency in Babysitting, so I thought it'd be neat to post it on the anniversary day.
> 
> idk I just have a lot of feelings rn. Thank you for reading my stuff for as long as you have, and I can't wait to continue working with this series and others. <3

**Author's Note:**

> mcschnuggles.tumblr.com


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